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Git yir fingers oot and gie Ulster Scot wans a haun, heid culchie yin Nelson*
Blog 1690 An' All Thon has achieved cult status in Ulster Scots circles. But is it a spoof or a heartfelt celebration of the 'hamely tongue'? Its creator Billy McWilliams outlines a plan for the Minister
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Frae Portavogie tae Ballyhalbert, frae Donemana in as far as Cullion, the hamely tongue is the language o' the folk. An' yit, as we enter the new millennium, the Ulster Scots community suffers frae a chronic lack o' funn'in'.
Lukkin' roun' ye, it is clear thit thar is a massive disparity in whit is available fur language an' cultural promotion in this country.
Oan the yin hawn, yiv gat Irish taichers in schools, wall tae wall coverage o' thy'on GAA, TV programmes, the lat.
Whit hiv the Ulster Scots gat? Danner wi' Drennan. Admittedly yin o' the finest programmes o' awl time, but it his bin removed frae the schedules by the BBC, the budget nae doubt gaein' oan brock like Gary an' Danielle's Nairthern Exposure.
Yit thar is a ray o' hope. A braw new Minster fur Culture is in place, yin wha' his the best intrests o' the hamely tongue at heart.
But whit dae we, in the Ulster Scots academic community, want tae hear frae this boy? Ah hiv consulted far an' wide, an hiv come up wi' a new plan fur the future development o' the language an' culture, a plan thit will redress the fundimental imbalance in public spendin' wi'in oor society:
Gaeltacht: Fur years themuns hiv bin gittin' Goverment funnin' fur til git rid o' thar wains in the summer an' stick thum wi' Donegal folk. We call fur the creation o' a Scotstacht type thing, yin wur the Goverment fun' yung folk frae culturally deprived areas such as Hillsborough, Cultra an' the Malone Loanin', fur til spen' a rake o' days larnin' aboot thar heritage in places the likes o' Ballywalter an' Armoy.
Language: Ulster Scots shud be tocht in schools. When ah wis growin' up fernenst Lisnafiffy, ye larned at the apron o' yer Granny.
If she said she wid gie ye a clout ye didnae nae whither it wid be a slap oor a teacloth, but ye cannae rely oan thy'on noo.
How come the o'er sort git thar language tocht at the expense o' the state when we dinnae? Oor tongue is spake by mair folk in ivryday life than thy'on, an' yit isnae regarded as a "madurn" language.
Music: Oor culture is yin wi' a rich musical heritage: Anyyin examinin' the histry o' music will acknowledge thit wi'oot the Ulster Scot thared be nae Rock an' Roll, nae Marchin' bawnds and probably nae rap (drum an' bass, ah ask ye?).
But whar daes Ulster Scots music fit intil the school curriculum? Naewhar. Think oan yer time at school. Whit wis the yinst instrument stuck in yer hawns? Ah'd be willin' tae lay yis odds thit it wis a recorder, nat a Lambeg. Fur why? Admittedly it wud be a prablem tae git a Lambeg oan an' aff the bus, but it isnae beyon' the powers o' oor educational system til git roun' thy'on.
Sport: The GAA folk are wile well funn'ed. This dispite the fak that thar sport disnae exactly cross the community bounry. Last time ah lukked at a GAA shurt it hid the county name in oany yin language.
We call fur an immediate suspension o' funn'in' fur the GAA til they include the Ulster Scots names fur the counties oan thar jerseys. (Ah'm nae tae sure whit they awl are, but ah knaw yin o' thum is Londonderry.) The money saved kin be giv til the true sport o' the Ulster Scot - motorcycle road racin'. Sae whar dae we gae frae noo? We in the braid Ulster Scots community are oan the cusp o' a grate cultural explosion.
As a folk we hiv giv the wurld upwards o' 73 US presidents an' invented awl kines o' things - frae rubber tyres tae sinkin' ships.
Oor new Minster fur Culture maist make his stawn, this is oor time, an' he is the mawn in place.
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Willie Drennan for first minister!
Posted by willie | 21.09.09, 16:01 GMT
"Danner wi' Drennan. Admittedly yin o' the finest programmes o' awl time"
Goad,we can only hope this is a spoof.
Posted by Ciarán | 18.09.09, 23:39 GMT
Seriously, someone needs to tighten up on typos and grammer at the BT.........
Posted by Frank | 15.09.09, 21:34 GMT
In the name of goodness the people of Northern Ireland need to lighten up. For those of you who take this seriously, have you looked at this blog? For those of you who don't take it seriously and are offended, catch yerselves on yis boys yis.
If a few more people took Prof McWilliams' approach to their cultural heritage Northern Ireland wouldn't have so many po faced purists on both sides and we'd all have a bit less ear ache.
I suppose Our Jimmy was offensive, or "give my head peace" for that matter? Father Ted must have been worthy of a firing squad. However, the Prof is correct. Gary and Danielle's Northern Exposure is indeed a large pile of guff - now that really is offensive.
Well done Prof McWilliams and well done the Bel Tel for printing this tour de farce, and of course like most great literature it both unites and divides.
WISE UP.
Posted by N.I. Ex Pat | 15.09.09, 18:41 GMT
I searched for this in the hope of having a bit of a laugh but find some of the comments here bizarre. I've been following the ramblings of Professor McWilliams for a few months, and although a bit scatter gun, they never fail to raise a smile. This despite the fact that I'm an Ards man myself and he tends to give us a bit of stick from time to time.
There's no doubt in my mind that its all a bit tongue in cheek, and I'd agree with Lurgan Scot that we Ulster Scots are tarred with a very stern brush and "Professor McWilliams" lightens things up a bit. So Mary, if you look back to your comment and if you have any sense of humour at all I'd encourage you to have a wee luksee at the site, you might even laugh yourself. The campaign against the Irish google has me in stitches. Good for the Tele for printing something silly on a Saturday.
As for the people commenting here that think its for real? As McWilliams would say "Jaipurs!"
Posted by Ardsy Bardsy | 15.09.09, 16:57 GMT
Good to see a bit of daftness in the middle of all this cultural pomposity that we put up with in this country. The reactions are priceless. Mary et al would like us all to be dour grumpy folk, but it made this Ulster Scot laugh anyway.
Cheers Mr McWilliams
Posted by Lurgan Scot | 15.09.09, 12:34 GMT
If this is supposed be an example of why badly written English should get its own funding, congratulations, you've failed miserably.
Ulster-Scots is as much a language as two Dubliners saying to each other "alrigh' wat's da storry man?". Farcical.
Posted by Saighdúirí | 15.09.09, 11:02 GMT
Yur a pek o gulpins if yees canny see the valyee o thon boy's screed. Hae a titter o wit an enjoy it fur whit it is.
Posted by Belfast Gonzo | 15.09.09, 06:20 GMT
Brilliant. Well worth buying the Belfast Telegraph for!
Hope we have more of the same soon. Well done. A masterpiece!
When do we get to meet Mr. McWilliams? Well tuned into our time.
Rosetta
Posted by Rosetta | 14.09.09, 23:20 GMT
Best laugh I've had in ages.....
Posted by David | 14.09.09, 15:51 GMT
Obviously Richard and Mary have missed the point.
Who says we have no sense of humour in Northern Ireland?
Posted by Grant | 14.09.09, 14:42 GMT
This article makes the case for Ulster-Scots in negative reference to several aspects of Irish culture. Why can the case for Ulster Scots not be made without any such comparison? does Ulster-Scots 'need' Irish to help define it. Also making reference to people as 'the o'er sort' is simply offensive. I'm all for conversations about Ulster-Scots but please, stop making these arguments as petty insecurities against 'themuns'.To refer to any section of the community as that is just plain racist and divisive. Also I only speak one language; English. So why could I read this article unaided without any interpretation? Surely this cannot be considered a 'language' as opposed to a colloquial dialect?
Posted by Richard | 14.09.09, 00:21 GMT
I really hope that this is 'banter'. If not, mental health provision in NI is seriously lacking.
Posted by Will Hawkes | 13.09.09, 23:32 GMT
I was disappointed that the Belfast Telegraph decidesd to devote a full half page to a spoof article on Ulster-Scots language and culture (12 September). I was even more disappointed that you posed the question 'is it a spoof or a heartfelt celebration?' Anyone with even a limited knowledge of Ulster-Scots can see immediately that it is a spoof and that it is written by someone trying to make a mockery of the Ulster-Scots culture and language.
I doubt if the Belfast Telegraph would publish an article, spoof or otherwise, mocking the Chinese or some other ethnic community but you seem to find it acceptable to mock the Ulster-Scots community.
Finally, you say that the contributor's blog 'has achieved cult status in Ulster-Scots circles'. Perhaps you can say on what you base that editorial claim. As an active and enthusiastic Ulster-Scot I can assure you that I have never read it and I have never heard it mentioned even once by any other Ulster-Scots.
Mary, Belfast
Posted by Mary | 13.09.09, 16:19 GMT