Saturday 25 May 2013
A MAN is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife hits him round the head with a frying pan and says: "That's for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it I found in your trouser pocket."
He explains: "When I was at the races Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on." She apologises.
Three days later the man's wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan and says: "Your horse phoned."
ANTHONY WOODS
By e-mail
Three-day festival underway in Derry
Video, pictures and finisihng times
Comedy with big following means blockbuster
A UK ticket-holder will bank £1 million every month for a year in a new prize being launched by the National Lottery, it has been announced.
Two men are being questioned on suspicion of endangerment of an aircraft after an RAF Typhoon jet was scrambled to escort a passenger plane over the UK.
Child abduction is a "growing problem" with the number of reported cases up by 81% over the last nine years, ministers have warned.
The Blues were undone by the goal-kicking of centre Christian Lealiifano, who kicked the Brumbies to a 20-13 Super Rugby win at Eden Park.
Real Madrid ambassador Zinedine Zidane believes Gareth Bale is among the top three players in the world and "more than good enough" for the Spanish giants.
Frank Lampard hopes Chelsea team-mate John Terry can follow him by signing a new contract with the club.
Jennifer Hudson has reportedly signed on to become a judge on American Idol’s Season 13.
Alyssa Milano doesn’t understand how her husband isn’t more affected by the love scenes she shoots.
Sandra Bullock has urged moviegoers to see her new sci-fi drama Gravity with George Clooney because the zero-gravity sex scenes are “awesome” and so awkward.
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