Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 24 July 2014

Billy on the Box: It’s really wild at Wembley

If it wasn’t bad enough that there’s a lion lolloping around Essex somewhere, there were rhinos and wolves spotted down Wembley way on Saturday.

These animals hail from the north and police warn they are dangerous and should be approached with caution or failing that send in Clare Balding.

Yes, it was Challenge Cup Final day and the rugby league teams of Leeds and Warrington came to town but more worryingly for Clare she appeared to have a miniature Leo Sayer desperately attempting to clamber free from her cleavage.

But if it’s thunder in your heart you’re after then this is the sport for you, although the emphasis on gladiatorial battles is being taken a little too far. Rugby league legend Robbie Paul is now Hunter-Paul and add that to Rhino and Wolf and there’s clearly something going on.

The only shock was that Clare, or Lightning, didn’t hand over to Dave ‘Cobra’ Woods and Jonathan ‘Warrior’ Davies on the commentary booth where they were indeed interrupted by thunder and lightning as a storm lashed the first-half.

The highlight was when Aussie Brett Hodgson was flattened by Kylie. No, not that one, this one is a Kiwi, built like a brick dunny and goes by the name of Leuluai, and I don’t want to think of him in gold hotpants.

“He’s smashed him,” said Woods, but not in a Richard Keys way, although when we were told that he’d managed to ‘grab a quick word with Willy Poching’ , but it turns out he’s a coach.

But there was rudeness to come when after the match as the Wolves celebrated we cut to the other dressing room and caught sight of a Rhino’s bottom.

“Well, yes, indeed, that was interesting,” said Clare, not knowing where to look. Just be thankful it was Peter Phillips who handed over the trophy and not Prince Harry — now that would be really wild.

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