Belfast Telegraph

Saturday 23 August 2014

Billy on the Box: Michael bowled over by Bruno delivery

I’m not saying that Strictly Come Dancing’s scriptwriters aren’t big sporting fans, but for Tess Daly to describe Michael Vaughan as ‘the most notorious captain England has even seen’ was a step too far.

After a three-week learning sabbatical, Vaughan and his cavorting cohorts were back on Friday night as the show got under way for real, but if you’re going to have sportspeople on, then at least be truthful.

I was waiting for Ian Botham, Freddie Flintoff or even Geoff Boycott to appear, all of which I would pay good money for, only for Vaughan to sashay onto the stage with Natalie Lowe, although he danced more like John Lowe.

I’m sorry, that’s a cheap shot, but not as cheap as Bruno Toniolo, sending in a devastating delivery that ‘your butt stuck out like a hanging basket’ and worse that ‘your face looked like Shane Warne after the makeover.’ Harsh.

Worse was to come in the shape of Victoria Pendleton in a shocking ripped cerise number that was more torn to shreds by a panther than Pink Panther, but this is early evening BBC, so no gold medal bike riders were harmed in the making of this programme.

It turns out she’s not very good, as Len Goodman told her, ‘it was just like the first time she rode her bike without stabilisers’ while Bruno pedalled out similar nonsense with ‘you’re a champion, you’ve fallen off it before, get back on it,’ but more of this and it won’t be long before she’s on her bike.

Fast forward 24 hours, and thank goodness for Sky+, and it was Louis Smith’s turn, and a hilarious joke from Sir Bruce Forsyth about how the British gymnast had won silver on the pommel horse, but missed out in the dressage.

It’s going to be a long three months.

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