The name’s Murray, Colin Murray, licenced to rip the backside out of the lamest of links.
I had hoped that Match of the Day 2’s move to BBC1 had signalled an end to the inane and annoying (or Alan Shearer and Mick McCarthy as they are better known) but I was wrong as the opening titles rolled and Murray appeared and waved a flag rather than a gun.
“With the new Bond movie just days away, MOTD 2 or (002 as it was earlier) is on a mission to bring you full highlights of this afternoon’s two Premier League games,” he said, before more awful Bond puns aplenty.
At least we’d be safe when we got to the commentators, Guy Mowbray at the Stadium of Light would restore order. “Prepare to be shaken and stirred,” he started. Ah good, he got the email to Bond it up this week too. Nice to see some emails are adhered to at Broadcasting House.
Big spending QPR were in the middle of ‘live and let buy’ and seeking a quantum of solace but surely Jonathan Pearce would restore some normality? That would be no.
“The spectre of a fifth successive defeat is enough to knock the living daylights out of QPR. Pre-season confidence has withered to die another day while Everton have had the goldfinger touch and Jelavic striking like thunderball.’ Please, make it end.
There was more to come, the final credits providing more lame material than the annual minefield hokey-cokey championships, but bear one thing in mind — considering we waved goodbye to Sylvia Kristel this week, we are to be thankful that we didn’t veer off into another film genre as Emmanuelle in Salford starring Mick and Alan is simply something to say (Dr) No to.