Billy on the Box: Never mind the Balotelli, roll with it
It was back in 2000 when I eagerly awaited the release of a popular Manchester beat combo’s fourth album and despite all the hype was more let down than Adele at a Brits ceremony.
And it was much the same story on Saturday as the talented one from Oasis spoke to the supposedly super talent that is Mario Balotelli on Football Focus.
“The mystery of Mario is about to be revealed,” promised Dan Walker, who you can’t imagine chucking a telly out of a hotel window, and explained that ‘he doesn’t do interviews, unless the interviewer is a rock star and an even bigger Manchester City fan — this is what happened when Noel Gallagher met Mario.”
Or put it another way — not very much happened.
The best line of the whole piece was when Noel met a truly great player in Aguero, married to Diego Maradona’s daughter, and told him he’d met his father-in-law at a shindig in Buenos Aries.
“It was a great party,” and I could believe that then Noel spent the next 10 minutes exploding all the myths that made Mario interesting and we actually found out that he’s a surly big huffy footballer who’s really shy and misunderstood. Aww diddums.
I’m sure Scott Parker would agree.
“Footballers in general are quite boring and dull. I love you because you’re Balotelli and you make me smile,” added Noel and Balotelli nodded politely still not really sure who this Parker (The Thunderbirds one) look-a-like was.
And with that it was all over.
We learned that Noel Gallagher supports Man City, Balotelli didn’t know who they were and all the interesting stuff wasn’t true. Even more impressively I managed to get through this entire piece without resorting to one Oasis pun, but as for that fourth album, it was called Standing on the Shoulder of Giants and thanks to Swansea, City are still trying to do that.