Belfast Telegraph

Tuesday 29 July 2014

Billy on the Box: Sometimes a gift of Gab is too much

There are moments when you wish you could borrow Andy Murray’s time machine so you could dig yourself out of a monumental hole.

So while he’s nursing his sore groin, I would expect a call from Messrs (an optional ‘e’ may be used at this stage) Tyler and Neville after a less than glorious commentary on Didier Drogba’s ‘goal’ for Chelsea on Sunday.

“It’s done the trick, Pepe Reina didn’t move,” shouted Martin as half of Stamford Bridge went mad and the players stood looking at each other.

“Sometimes when you watch a goal go in the back of the net Didier Drogba looks embarrassed” said Gary only to be interrupted rudely.

“It didn’t go in the back of the net,” said Martin as the penny finally dropped.

“It’s fooled us all,” snorted Gary.

“Reina had the look of a beaten man, he was beaten but not by a shot on target,” concluded Martin. Nice try, but you didn’t get away with it, the time machine is on its way.

Better still, why not get cryogenically frozen and return at a later date, just like Gabby Logan (pictured) did in Burnley on Saturday lunchtime as she turned up like Austin Powers’ long-lost sister in a staggering maroon corduroy suit.

Is it any wonder Danny Mills and Lee Dixon were almost lost for words and had to resort to making up new ones. Mills said that ‘Leeds have been a bit sleepish’, while Dixon condemned some rank defending as ‘undefendable’ and ‘indefendable’ before just giving up.

Ms Powers brought the show to a close by wishing Danny ‘safe home’, as long as he doesn’t get too sleepish behind the wheel, and thanked Lee for his ‘wise words’. No mention of the made-up ones.

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