Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 29 May 2016

Billy on the Box: They think it’s Ball over... it is now

Published 19/10/2012

I loved Johnny Ball when I was growing up. I was to maths what Bruce Forsyth is to convincing hair pieces so to see Think of a Number’s finest being cast asunder on Strictly at the weekend was devastating.

On the plus side though it means that we’re now down to three people with any sporting links and with Michael Vaughan on dodgier ground than Kevin Pietersen at the next England night out, that’ll soon be two.

Things didn’t augur well as he appeared on stage with a massive axe in his hands. Had this been 20 years ago I would have said ‘chopper’ but I’m so glad I didn’t, so we’ll move discreetly on. Which is more than Vaughan did, jerking around the stage like an out of control washing machine trying to escape the clutches of an amorous Metal Mickey, and the judges were speechless, momentarily.

“I think Richard Attenborough should put you in a nature programme,” he suggested, although I’m not sure what David would say about that, although a spell in Jurassic Park would be better than having to listen to Brucie’s jokes or Gary Bushell’s missus, Darcey, saying ‘yah’ and hyper-ventilating everytime Louis Smith strains a sinew. Oh, ‘Bussell’ you say. My mistake.

Still, good to see Victoria Pendleton getting better, as Len Goodman said ‘Queen Vic is back,” much to the fury of Anita Dobson in the audience. There was a dramatic ‘dum, dum, dum, dum dum, dadadadum’, but it wasn’t a cliff-hanger, it was just Michael dropping his axe.

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