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Billy Weir on the Box: Big Ben jumps to capture the title in nick of chime

By Billy Weir

Published 10/03/2016

Davina McCall
Davina McCall

We all know that the first lesson for children brought up in frozen and snowy areas is to avoid eating the yellow snow, but in Alpine regions there is an even bigger and more annoying peril to steer clear of - the abominable Davina McCall.

The latest - and surely the last - series of The Jump came to a slushy halt on Sunday as those still able to stand upright, or the 'five fearless finalists' as they were introduced, took 'to the slopes one last time in search of ultimate Alpine glory.'

I'm sure somewhere watching on the white button option Franz Klammer and Alberto Tomba protested but they couldn't be heard above the demonic cackling of a wild beast.

"It's Mother's Day and to celebrate we have the mother of all finals," hinted McCall, and all in pursuit of the prize they all want - the Jump cowbell.

Joining McCall for this trudge through TV slush was commentator Barry Davies and Graham Bell, the British skier who isn't Eddie the Eagle, or Ding Dong as he is known to McCall.

In that part of the world he would, by law, be known as Dinger but it was hard to know what to call him when he gave us his advice for ski jumping.

"It's like Luke Skywalker trying to get to the Death Star - you have to be absolutely spot on with your take off," he told us, and we didn't have long to wait for the return of the Eddie, as he appeared on screen with Linford Christie. Legend meets man who made a mockery of the sport he loved. You decide.

With Tamara Beckwith and Sid 'Rickeeee' Owen's snowy services dispensed with it was over to the final where former Superman actor Dean Cain took on The Wanted's Tom Parker and former rugby star Ben Cohen in the final jump, with advice from last year's winner, Joey Essex.

"Joey was supposed to be here but he is in hospital and for once it was nothing to do with us, he's having his wisdom teeth out," McCall told us. Surely the shortest operation in medical history.

"I wonder if the words of Sir Clive Woodward will be going through Ben Cohen's head now," pondered Dinger. Let's hope not or he'll be fast asleep at the top of the ramp.

But thankfully for Davina, Big Ben struck, meaning that he won the bell and no doubt like a certain World Cup win he'll chime on about it for years to come, although this was more dung than ding or dong.

Belfast Telegraph

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