Belfast Telegraph

Glory for Tyson Fury, but no victory for Nelson

By Billy Weir

Tyson Fury's incredible rise to World Heavyweight Boxing Champion has thrown up an interesting sideline in the rules of making up your own pugilist moniker.

This is a simple game, pick the surname of your favourite boxer and then add on a popular Irish traditional music ensemble and hey presto, you have a new name.

As I was saying to my chum, Conteh Wolfe Tone, as we watched Fury's tussle with Wladimir (the artist formerly known as Vladimir) Klitschko this could also explain why Johnny Nelson has suddenly become a boxing presenter.

The man, named after his favourite ball and historical figure, was somehow picked to lead us through a marathon effort on Sky, or Sky Box Office as this was pay per view and, I'm sorry, if I'm forking out £16.95 for something the least I expect is a proper presenter. I've already sent a strongly-worded letter to Points of View, although I signed it Bobby Napoleon.

"We're in Dusseldorf, West Germany," began Nelson, clearly unaware that some things have changed as 'East meets West in the clash of the Giants' and while Nelson may not be polished he's certainly been touched up with Sky's hype brush.

Things didn't go all that smoothly, the best fights were before the boxers got in with rows over gloves, rings and wraps, it was more like Debenhams on Black Friday than Dusseldorf on Saturday, but there were even greater dangers ahead.

"As Britain's giant hope Tyson Fury aims to topple long-reigning Wladimir Klitschko - just a warning there will be a strobe light effect," said Nelson, but in a health and safety blunder he didn't warn us that Rod Stewart was about to sing.

The row over Dr Steelhammer's (named after his favourite medical profession and what you can lift illegally from B & Q) hand wrapping was so bad that Fury (or Nurse Nickstanleyknife) had threatened to walk away.

"Things got pretty tense out there, has that atmosphere transcended into the dressing room," wondered Nelson. Indeed it had, the way it was going there could be a fight.

"Because of the delay we're going to talk Tic-Tacs," he added, but before talk could turn to my particular favourites, the lime and mandarin ones, he corrected himself and turned to tactics instead.

"Light the touch paper, that rare few seconds in sport where we are all tingling with anticipation, the adrenalin flowing, the marvellous unpredictability - the big question, what happens next?" asked commentator Adam Smith, but it could easily have been Nelson to his director.

What happened next was that the impossible happened, Fury won and there was a victory for Nelson as he actually finished a sentence without making a horlicks of it. That reminds me, I have another letter to send to Points of View, I better sign this one Bruno B*Witched.

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