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Great Scot, Andy Murray is British after Davis Cup win

By Billy Weir

Published 03/12/2015

Great Briton: Former Scottish loser Andy Murray celebrates his transformation into a country with his new fans
Great Briton: Former Scottish loser Andy Murray celebrates his transformation into a country with his new fans

Two of my passions are flying and food TV chef James Martin told us as he guided his wee plane over the English countryside on Sunday morning on BBC2 as the Davis Cup coverage got under way.

That's very nice, James, but what about the tennis and isn't it about time you changed direction and starting flying towards Belgium if you're going to make it in time?

I was a tad confused. And then a moment of clarity as James' Food Map of Britain showed a late menu change with 'The Davis Cup Final is now on BBC1' which could mean two things - A. Great Britain must be in with a great chance of winning and B. I've recorded three and a half hours of cooking and Formula One.

This indeed was the case but thankfully iPlayer came to the rescue and I don't think I've ever been as relieved to see Sue Barker, although at first glance she did bear a startling resemblance to Mary Berry, so I thought the Beeb had spoiled the broth again.

"No individual can win it alone but an outstanding individual can underpin his team's journey to that goal," said the blonde lady, and then I knew it was Sue as this is complete and utter Slazengers.

Let's face facts here, an individual can win the Davis Cup and that individual is Andy Murray, especially when up against the tennis powerhouse that is Belgium.

Ahh, but they beat Switzerland earlier in the competition I hear you cry, but that was a Swiss team without Roger Federer and Stan Wawrinka, meaning they were represented by Celine Dion, Heidi and a bar of Toblerone.

It wasn't stopping Sue though, swept away by a nationalistic fervour not witnessed since that magnificent man Martin in his flying machine was roaring across the White Cliffs of Dover (no pun intended, Sue).

"Can the history man write another chapter and secure the World Cup of tennis for himself, his country and his team?" she mused, while we all mused how lucky it was that Lewis Hamilton had already won his world crown thus avoiding sending the Beeb into a tailspin.

The fans were there in force, with former player and current Scot Jamie Baker our man on the sidelines surrounded by hordes of middle-aged women who should know better bedecked in red, white and blue, singing and drinking in public. We were only a blue bag filled with blue WKD away from a bonfire being lit.

Sadly there wasn't and Andrew Castle made it to the commentary box where he was struggling to make himself heard with the raucous Belgian crowd hitting the Stella a little early in the day.

This led to a classic moment, with Castle pointing to the chatting officials on court 'just having a word about how they're going to handle this extraneous crowd noise' and with perfect timing the camera panned onto Judy Murray.

And talking of scary Scottish women, there was more uproar as an interloper in a tartan balaclava ran on and started trying to put an 'S' onto the 'BNP' signs all around the court, until Nicola Sturgeon was assured that this was a bank and not a party bedecked in red, white and blue, singing and drinking in public and that Andy didn't need to be sent home to think again.

No need to panic, Andy won the first set with ease and then grinded out the second before being taken to one side and told to slow things down a bit because BBC1 had some time to fill and a safely arrived James Martin had been pencilled in to play him with a frying pan in case he won the third before you could rustle up an omelette.

"I don't know where you rank it in terms of team effort," pondered Castle. "In football there was the World Cup in 1966 (not GB), there's Liverpool in the Champions' League (not GB) and Man Utd (not GB) and the Ryder Cup (Europe), but this is right up there to win a Davis Cup (Scotland).

"Woooooooooo, Great Britain have done it in the most spectacular style," wailed Castle as the final point, ensuring Tunnock's Tea Cake sales were about to rocket across Britain, but there was still time for a small lecture.

"Broadcast the message that tennis is great fun, it's a game for life, it's for boys and girls, men and women, for every class and every income across the country," he said, and we were with him right up to the last couple, but let's not spoil the party.

"To put my Scottish hat on for a second," said Baker, spoiling the party. "After the disappointment of the football and the rugby, these two guys have won the World Cup of tennis."

We wish Jamie well in his new career as SNP ambassador to England.

Sue had made it down to court by now to join in on the party, the WKD-infused fans now so happy they were 'singing my theme tune again' she said, as 'walking in a Barker wonderland' boomed out.

"Barker Wonderland - there's a theme park idea," suggested Castle, but at least it wasn't a Baker Wonderland, Jamie, Mary and James would all fly in for that one, located in Scotland, not in GB.

Belfast Telegraph

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