Belfast Telegraph

It's definitely snow joke being at Ibrox these days

By Billy Weir

Just when you thought the greatest comedy to hail from Govan since Rab C Nesbitt couldn't give anymore, we had last Friday's farce between Rangers and Hearts at Ibrox.

BT Sport, who had probably pencilled the match in for a potential title decider, can't have believed their luck that with 13 points between the teams the home side's alarming capacity to collapse like a clown's motor at every possible second breathed life into a meaningless fixture.

If it wasn't bad enough with fans protesting, managers coming and going, the board members all turning up in Sports Direct tracksuits, then came the snow.

"From the Game of Thrones at Ibrox to the team conquering all in the Scottish Championship," was how presenter Darryl Currie set things up, but in reality it was more like Frozen, or given the grasping board, Taking 3 might be better.

But there was a bigger, unseen, problem at hand, as commentator Derek Rae kicked things off at the kick-off with a note of caution.

"I do think that the visibility of the ball might be a slight problem," he said, as men in blue and maroon chased something we couldn't see and it needed an old pro to solve the problem in the shape of Gary McAllister.

"The first thing that has come to my mind is that we could do with an orange ball," he said and whoever thought that there would be a shortage of those at Ibrox?

But like the Eskimo child whose first lesson is never eat the yellow snow, the decision to use a yellow ball wasn't helping reduce the feeling of farce.

"This is an old football that the Rangers kit manager found in his kit bag," added Rae, and how fans must have been wishing it had been a holdall with £26m in it. That could have kept them afloat for another week, perhaps.

You would have thought Mike Ashley could have provided some balls, I mean he's dished out enough of them in recent times to the fans, while Rae wasn't helping by describing the match as a "lottery". And the bonus ball is… oh, no idea, can't see it.

Not even the big distraction of Hearts' new big man up front, Genero Zeefuik, who McAllister reliably informed us is rather aptly nicknamed 'The Fridge', I'm guessing because he's emptied a fair few of them in his time, could keep us entertained for long.

"It's a night for refrigeration on the south side of Glasgow," countered Rae, when all we would have needed is for Zeefuik to have donated a spare pair of briefs which the Ibrox ground staff could have covered the pitch with during the day.

And not long after there were some people skating on the pitch, the referee was telling us it was over and shares in Sports Direct snow boots, white goalkeeper kits (the Hearts keeper was wearing one) and orange balls went through the roof.

It seemed like a wise move, but BT Sport resident expert Stephen Craigan wasn't too happy with the referee.

"I hope we're back, I hope the supporters are here and I hope Bobby Madden isn't refereeing," he hinted, as he headed off with a Captain's Trophy ball from 1981 to tell the man in the middle where to put it.

Belfast Telegraph

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