Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Klopp your hands for a great escape

DORTMUND, GERMANY - APRIL 09: Head Coach Jurgen Klopp of Borussia Dortmund runs onto the pitch to celebrate victory at the final whistle during the UEFA Champions League quarter-final second leg match between Borussia Dortmund and Malaga at Signal Iduna Park on April 9, 2013 in Dortmund, Germany. (Photo by Lars Baron/Bongarts/Getty Images)

Never mind all this talk of last-gasp survival and Harry Houdini, if it's a great escape you're after then naturally it's a German who is going to steal the show.

Take a bow Jurgen Norbert Klopp, the manager of Borussia Dortmund, whose post-match interview on Sky on Tuesday night was almost as enjoyable as his side's win over Malaga.

Borussia, not pronounced Bo Russia as in Bo' Selecta as my lovely, but footballingly challenged, other half enquired, came from 2-1 down to score twice in injury-time to win and send Klopp, a man surely destined for the Premiership, to burst onto our screen like a big bag of excited German things.

It was all a far cry from Harry Redknapp on Sunday afternoon who looked more upset than Gordon Jackson falling for the old Gestapo 'good luck' trick. If you haven't seen the Great Escape this will make no sense whatsoever but if you haven't seen it you've clearly been in a Stalag for the past 50 years.

And Harry's mood at Shaun Maloney's late equaliser for Wigan against QPR won't have been helped by TV schedulers taking the complete hand out of him on Sunday with Escape to Victory on ITV and Escape to the Country on BBC. Thank goodness, Alcaraz didn't score the winner, or he'd have lost it completely.

Of course, being a Super Sunday Sky hadn't spared the hype horses, Mr Ed Chamberlin telling us right from the off that it was a 'big one', it was 'win or bust' while Kevin Phillips pointed out 'that I don't think we all need to be brain surgeons to realise that for QPR it's a must-win'.

So a quick promo for Harry Houdini vs Roberto 'Miracle Man' Martinez and over to commentator Alan Parry who pointed out that 'when the clocks go forward, so do Wigan Athletic'. Indeed, although that doesn't explain why they're rubbish in August, September and October.

A shame there wasn't a brain surgeon in situ at Loftus Road as Bobby Zamora, obviously feeling that the odds weren't long enough for QPR, decided to try and decapitate Jordi Gomez with the most ridiculous drop-kick since Kato was chasing Inspector Clouseau.

"Of course, you need to score a goal to win the game," pointed out Chris Coleman, Professor of You Don't Say Studies at the University of Wales, at half-time and Loic Remy duly obliged with a goal worthy of winning any game.

It was created by Stephane Mbia, but he was more Mmmbop as hero turned villain with the Cameroonian accident waiting to happen giving away a daft free-kick with defending that Hanson or Alan Hansen could not, err, defend.

Wallop and Maloney's equaliser ripped into the net and ripped out Harry's heart.

He'll be gutted that Rangers are in the Championship next season, although the chances of him still being there are about as likely as Paolo Di Canio keeping the red flag flying high in Sunderland.

He almost got off to a dream start at Chelsea, despite wearing a jumper Noel Edmonds would have baulked at, but then again I suppose he could hardly turn wearing a black shirt.

It doesn't look good for him or Harry, but if you're going down then send for Jurgen to rescue you, he's great at escapes.

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