Belfast Telegraph

Oh Danny boys, I love you so...

By Billy Weir

There has been wailing and gnashing of teeth by grown men (and women) for the past two days just because there has been no football on, but remember, the plus side is that we have had 48 hours without Adrian Chiles.

However this hasn't stopped those who have no pictures to show from the matches anyway from ploughing on regardless.

Undoubted ploughing kings are the two Dannys – Baker and Kelly – who proudly boast that they will broadcast on every one of the 32 World Cup days on their BT Sport show Baker and Kelly – Not in Rio.

In a nutshell, or case, the programme has our heroes in London talking all manner of stuff and nonsense to us and with an unlikely array of guests, with Leroy Rosenior and The Fast Show's Simon Day popping up on Day One of the football famine.

Thus on Wednesday evening we had such gems that the teams who don't qualify in the World Cup should be punished by being made to fill the gaps by playing each other with the loser staying in and by the end we'd have a best team and the best worst one. A bit like every loser wins, only without Nick Berry.

"You can't build up to a summer of football and say 'not on Thursday'," moaned Baker, with Kelly adding: "It's like a holiday and you have to go home for two days in the middle." Wait until next week ...

Rosenior and Day looked a little bemused, but when your presenter is bedecked in a fez and a red jumper with the names of all of England's 1966 team on the front (and presumably a Russian linesman on the back), then that's the least of your worries.

Baker clearly sensed unease among his guests.

"We do this on the most crucial days as well because we don't try to emulate, ape or even aspire to some of the dry old rot you'll see on ITV and BBC," he said.

But the best suggestion of all, an island specifically created to stage the World Cup and the rest of the time it would be handed over to birdlife and pundits roaming around waiting for Gary Lineker to return and met by Alan Shearer with a beard and his suit in tatters.

BT Sport could make a programme about it and name it after England's campaign in Brazil.

Something like Lost, perhaps?

Be warned, there's a gale

Day Two of the drought had me reaching up to the Sky for salvation and it came in the unlikely form of Tony Gale.

Just returned from Brazil he popped up with Rob Wotton on Sky Sports News' World Cup Verdict to fill a half an hour gap and entertained us with a long, boring, convoluted story of having shared a lift with Sepp Blatter and the Fifa chief saying that he recognised Gale.

I know his word is usually sacrosanct but let's be honest, unlike certain footballing bodies, there is more chance of him having recognised Gail Tilsley/Platt/whoever.

Rob moved on to tell us that bookmakers 'don't give France a chance, if you excuse the rhyme' and we all breathed a sigh of relief that Nantucket hadn't qualified, but not as big as the sigh Sky will exhale when this is all over and they have footy to show again.

I put it to you, Mr Sky, that you are shamelessly jumping on a bandwagon.

World Cup verdict – guilty.

  • I see there is now a campaign to rename Washington National Airport 'Tim Howard International' after the US keeper. Daft idea, imagine naming an airport after a footballer. It would never happen here ...

 

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