Belfast Telegraph

Tuesday 16 September 2014

There’s summit up for GAA2 in Ulster

 YOU don’t expect to switch on RTE’s Sunday Game and find pictures of Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, David Cameron, Angela Merkel and four other big political players (apparently) staring back at you.

“With the G8 summit starting in Enniskillen some of the most famous and powerful people on the planet are heading for Fermanagh, but today all roads lead to Brewster Park as the power struggle in the Ulster Championship continues,” as suddenly all became clear thanks to host Michael Lyster.

Then again the Ulster Championship isn’t unlike the G8, there are only really two who have a say in anything and the rest are just there to make up the numbers, although there are nine taking part, Fermanagh, unlike China, finally turning up.

It wasn’t a prospect that thrilled Pat Spillane and Colm O’Rourke, it was clearly simply too dangerous for Joe Brolly to be unleashed as he’d probably have declared war on the world.

“They’re sending a copy of the game to the United States as an example of what gaelic football is all about — will they be impressed?” mused Lyster lobbing the hand grenade and hiding behind his desk.

Cue much laughter and chat of how it was much better in our day, with O’Rourke stressing that much practice could be done by simply hitting a wall with a ball. This is why German gaelic football has suffered such a demise since 1989.

“I don’t think we’ll see Angela Merkel jumping up and down with long range points from Martin Dunne of Cavan,” he snorted. Hardly, she’s a huge Fermanagh fan.

And then we were off. Or not. Commentator Ger Canning, struggling to find anything to commentate on, was forced into constant references to road blocks and security cordons.

At half-time Spillane wouldn’t be diverted.

“I think somebody is out to punish me, for this is the second week in a row I’ve had to endure an absolutely awful load of rubbish,” he said. I assume he meant the game and not the G8, although he continued by blasting that there was a ‘mindset dominated by conservatism’ and it was ‘paralysis by analysis’ with his life ‘infiltrated by a load of spoofers and bluffers.’

I think you’ll find the collective noun for spoofers and bluffers is ‘summit’ although at least the second half was a bit better but strangely there was a DVD left behind in a Mr Obama’s room at Lough Erne.

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