Settle yourself down for some adventures in Bundesliga.
Last Friday I found myself among a smattering of wide-eyed innocents approaching the Olympic Stadium, Berlin. Two enormous red-brick columns scale into the skies, with barely-visible wires bridging the gap and suspending the Olympic rings.
Viewed in a haze of fog on a surreal evening with the Hertha Berlin and Bremen fans creating a real atmosphere inside, it was a heady moment.
We were right behind the goals, up on the balcony. Just far away enough to enjoy the sights of the ultras banging drums and bouncing, not too far away to feel removed from the energy of the group. Our tickets cost us €15 each.
On the concourse, club employees sold credit cards where you topped up your stadium credit, using it for concession stalls that sold German sausages in bread rolls (€3), Glühwein (mulled wine for €3 a mug) and generous mugs for the finest local craft beers for a pittance.
You could bring your snacks and drinks to your seat and enjoy them while you watched your sport. It was different. It felt like you were being treated like an adult.
Those that depart from this corner of the world are being fleeced when they watch soccer in England.
Liverpool's cheapest ticket is £38. I sat in a reasonable seat in Old Trafford two months back for the subsidised fee of £40. It's clear that the English Premier League is over-priced. It's also clear that the entertainment is not worth the extra money. Funny thing that you discover these things on your travels.
Ever get the feeling you are being cheated?