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No such thing as a lost Claus as we reveal stars' wish lists

By Declan Bogue

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, Yuletide carols being sung by a choir and the GAA fraternity keeping Santa on his toes.

It's that time of year again, when folks young and old keep their fingers crossed that Father Christmas answers all their wishes but, unfortunately for a few of our sporting stars, their letters to the North Pole were intercepted for your delectation by the elves here on the Tele's sportsdesk...

Dearest Santa,

Could we ask that you send us a dozen clothes horses, that we are going to keep in the utility room from now on, due to our hapless ability to wash our dirty linen in public?

Yours,

The Mayo football team.

Father Christmas,

Smart boy wanted to be my assistant at Armagh. Let him be bright in countenance, smart of appearance, tactical of mind. We'll provide kit, but go easy on the biceps. Not enough room in this town for two flexers.

Yours,

Kieran 'Geezer' McGeeney.

Dear Santa ye boy ye,

Perhaps you might be kind enough to send me a bungee cord rope? I have plans to tether myself to the dugout. The next time I run onto the field I won't be long coming back.

You know yourself!

Damian Barton

SANTY!,

Alright mate?!

Howsa going, anyway? C'mere, send us on a few bales of them there hurley bats and a few slitters there. Me and da boys from Tigers Bay are gonna form a hurley club - the T-Bay Big Cats! - and win the All-Ireland Club Championship.

Right mucker!

Yours,

Wee Carl Frampton.

Dear Father Christmas,

As you will be aware, while the GAA are busy throwing their surplus millions at the Gaelic Players' Association, we at the grassroots are struggling to get by and make ends meet. Therefore, could you kindly leave a wood pellet burner, and get our club's name on a list that was made sometime around early October?

Yours,

Anonymous club treasurer

Santa Clause you big tease,

Not asking for much this year as you brought plenty for us among the Bushes in mid-July.

But could you see your way to pumping a few hundred thousand tonnes of concrete into foundations, topping it off with 20,000 or so seats, a little dinky roof on top, surrounding the finest Prunty Pitch with turnstiles, dressing rooms, a strength and conditioning suite, showers, saunas, recovery suites, lecturing theatres and county board offices?

If you don't ask, you don't get!

Roisín.

Santa Sur,

What do you get a man that has everything, eh?

Anyway, I was hoping you might see your way to sending me on a book on the fascinating area of study called 'Mindfulness'. I can't wait to learn how to live in the moment and discover what the fuss is about this tranquility lark!

Yours,

Joe Brolly.

Here Santa,

Send us on a copy of that show 'Field of Dreams'. Apparently, if you build it, they will come.

Yours,

Comhairle Uladh

Santa,

Just keep it coming, baby. These champagne baths aren't getting any cheaper.

Yours,

The 2% of GPA men and Conor McGregor

Dear Saint Nick,

Would you ever do us a favour and alert the Oxford English Dictionary to these new words and terms we introduced during the year; 'Intentfulness', 'Performance piece' and 'Soft tissue injury'.

Yours,

Da Dubs.

Belfast Telegraph

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