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New found confidence is ruining our relationship

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Thursday Feb 23 2012

My partner and I have been together for four years, and in that time I’ve really come out of my shell.

He encouraged me to try new things and helped me to become a lot more confident in all manner of ways. As a result, I’ve now got a great job that I love and lots of new and interesting friends.

But my partner now seems to think all this is a bad thing. We recently had a huge row and he accused me of being cold and unfeeling, even though I told him that I still feel the same way about him.

I certainly haven’t put up any barriers between us like he says I have, so what could have triggered this?

Is there a chance he’s right? Has my greater confidence made me into a different sort of person? AN

FIONA SAYS: MAYBE IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON

The chances are that yes, you are different. In the years you've been together you have grown in confidence, acquired a good job and friends and can stand up for yourself.

These are all good, positive things and he has helped you to achieve them by giving you confidence in yourself.

Now, perhaps, he is regretting the fact that you depend on him less and less — which is making him feel shut out.

Perhaps he sees your confidence and greater emotional security as barriers? Try telling him that it was his support that has helped you to grow and see if this will reassure him.

If it doesn't then perhaps you should now consider just how compatible you still are. In a good relationship both partners grow, evolve and change; you have blossomed while perhaps he has remained the same.

Perhaps you have outgrown him and need to move on to pastures new.

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