Money. The love of it is the root of all evil, it’s a gas and it offers a plethora of things to do in a rich man’s world, but for Kathy Burke it is problematic.
In fairness, for Kathy it would be f****** problematic, as the warning at the start of Channel Four’s Money Talks promised ‘some very strong language and adult content’ which could well double up as the epitaph on her gravestone.
Hopefully not for some considerable time as she is really just beginning her tenure as a ‘national treasure’, a moniker she delights in prodding with a barbed stick, and while she may have awards galore for her acting, for those in TV land, she will always be Waynetta Slob, Perry, Magda or Linda.
But putting aside acting, writing and directing for a mo, she turned her attention to money, in the first of a two-part series to find out who is the happier – the rich or the poor.
Coming from the latter she admitted right at the start that ‘I’ve got a few quid in the bank these days and I’d say I’m pretty content’ but that’s pretty relative when, after a nice wee trip down Loadsamoney Lane with chums Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse, she popped in for a word with a man worth £340m.
Alfie Best was born in a Romany gypsy caravan, now owns many caravan parks, houses, cars and a Henry vacuum cleaner. And they say money sucks…
As he showed Kathy around one of his homes, he stopped to show her a sofa designed by Lamborghini.
And then he was off, in his helicopter, more money to make and the clock waits for no one. Nor indeed does Tik Tok and her next port of call, a houseful of these mysterious dark art exponents without even a drop of milk for a wee cuppa.
They produce short videos for the internet that ‘seem largely to consist of them t****** about’ was how Kathy succinctly put it, before heading off to meet a former Love Island contestant who now sells her wares online, a posh lady who unashamedly stirs her tea with a silver spoon and a lottery winner who, if you excuse the phrase, still keeps her hand in as a midwife.
And what did we learn at the end of this? Basically, it doesn’t really matter how you got your money as long as you don’t rub other people’s noses in it or do something shameful to get it.
And that brings me neatly on to Celebrity Karaoke Club, a programme that has followed Love Island all this week and reaches its thrilling climax on Saturday.
The premiss is that many people you and I have never heard of murder some songs you may have heard of.
It is no surprise that Brian Dowling, he of Big Brother fame, is the main instigator of this mayhem as to all intents and purposes it is an homage to the housemates completing the weekly task successfully and then blowing all the housekeeping on wreck-the-house cider and Lambrusco.
I momentarily pressed the down button to see if I could find salvation on BBC4, and Simon Schama’s Power of Art surely would do the trick, only to find it was Turner and in my befuddled state I couldn’t cope with Simon belting out The Best.
I was so confused you could quite easily have put me on a plane to Lima and I’d be counting down the seconds until I was getting ripped into some tapas, a cheeky San Miguel and wondering why there was so much Paddington memorabilia in the duty-free shop.
It can happen and did for Michaela McCollum who is the centre of attention in High: Confessions of an Ibiza Drugs Mule (spoiler alert), a five-part (why?) series where she tells her story about getting mixed up with bad people and becoming part of the Peru 2.
They never really had the success of the Fun Boy Three or Fab Four before they were busted.
And the conclusion as to why she decided to bring back more than marmalade sandwiches and a duffel coat to Ibiza. Money. See, I told you no good would come of it.