I have to say our spare room is looking lovely now after that clear out we had over the festive period. And why do I need to hear that, I can sense you asking? Well, with the dog house occupied by the canine of the abode, the only place for me to be sent to was the aforementioned spare room and it’s all down to Ant and Dec. And a fry.
Let me explain.
Their new show, Limitless Win, hit the screens last Saturday night and is perfect Saturday evening entertainment in that it mixes quizzing with the prospect of massive money and even bigger rows.
The first contestants were Will and Kathryn — (presumably Harry and Meghan will appear later in the series) — a doctor and midwife who naturally were given a clap by a grateful audience.
It is quite complicated to explain the rules of the game here, but, put simply, all the answers to the questions are numbers and you have to stay below the correct answer to stay in the game and move up the never-ending cash ladder.
That is the hook of the show, there is the chance to win, well, enough money to bankrupt ITV in theory, but as our intrepid hosts told us, if you go over, it’s game over.
So onto the questions of the likes of how wide is the handspan of basketballer Michael Jordan and what amp fuse is in a kettle’s plug and they have you.
Look around the living room at this stage and your co-watcher will have a ruler out measuring their hand while I had nipped off to the kitchen to make a cuppa and was desperately looking at the plug.
This is the joy of the show and, this is a big claim, I haven’t been as involved since the early days of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, where you felt you were watching something genuinely new and exciting.
But then came the problem. How many different items make up a full English breakfast? Pause was pressed.
This led to a healthy debate/heated argument on what deserved a place on the plate but both watchers were a little annoyed that Kathryn, who hails from this part of the world, didn’t mention an Ulster Fry.
That opened the debate up to a whole new level. Throw in vegetable roll, fadge (that’s potato bread to those of you not from the Braid) and soda bread, and you’re in danger of needing Alan Partridge’s 12-inch plate.
The answer, by the way, is nine. Bacon, black pudding, sausage, fried egg, fried bread, tomato, mushrooms, toast and beans.
Beans have no place on a fry, whether it be English or a Celtic cousin.
Mushrooms I can live with, just, but toast? That is an accompaniment, not an integral part of the meal.
This row, like the cuppa, brewed for a while before we tuned back in again and with questions about how any sunflowers were in Van Gogh’s famous painting and when was Amazon formed, we had somehow got up to £500,000 and our NHS couple’s plans had moved from a camper van to a house.
They, wisely, decided to call it quits at this stage, and I don’t know who was more relieved, the winning couple, the presenting pair or ITV’s bank manager.
“Have you enjoyed your evening?” asked Ant or Dec, possibly the stupidest question ever asked, but at least they got to answer it before they left.
Over on Michael McIntyre’s The Wheel… Hold on, why do all shows now feel the need to have a prefix of telling us who you are about to see? It was never like this on Bruce Forsyth’s Play Your Cards Right or Generation Game. Oh, I see…
Anyhow, Harry Redknapp was one of the celebrity ‘experts’ on yer man’s wheel, primed for his specialised subject of ‘Football Managers’ but the catch with this programme is that one ‘expert’ is always locked out by the contestant.
Poor Harry was closed down seven times, if he’d had as many shut-outs as Tottenham boss they may have won something.
However, it meant we had an hour of ‘Arry going round and round going ‘wheeeeeeee’ on the wheel, looking for all the world like a Labrador leaning out the back window of a moving motor.
“It is brutal. Unbelievable. Harry could have stayed home with Sandra and had a lovely meal in Sandbanks and we could have spun the chair around in red all night,” said McIntyre at the end.
Thankfully, Ryan, a graphic designer from Leeds, didn’t need Harry, he had Carol Vorderman from Ancient Egypt, sorry, ON Ancient Egypt.
She knew that it was the Tomb of Tutankhamun that had been discovered by Howard Carter in Egypt.