Belfast Telegraph

Latest Apprentice series: usual bunch of deluded, preening reality-groomed idiots

By Joe Nawaz

The hoary old chestnut returns to our screens next week then. But enough about Alan Sugar.

His equally insubstantial and wrinkly "take me seriously please" vehicle The Apprentice is back for the 10th time. And with it, the usual bunch of deluded, preening reality-groomed idiots that pass for the aspiring dynamic business class – at least in TV land.

And as usual we have some real prize specimens to examine in our televisual agar dish, or Tivo as I like to call it.

Bianca Miller introduces herself by declaring regret at not becoming a scientist "so I could clone myself and be more successful in half the time".

Meanwhile "multiple business owner" James Hill says: "Del Boy's my nickname.

"Always chancing, I'm a bit of an opportunist," which is surely one of the most ridiculous things to say in a job application form.

On a par with "if anything, my most unappealing annoying trait is fitting a micro-camera in the women's toilets at work".

But the early candidate for most annoying has to be solicitor Lauren Riley, who says "I'm a glamorous solicitor, they're in short supply" thereby making two breathtaking presumptions in one labour-saving sentence.

She's bound to go all the way to glorious middle management obscurity in one of Alan's teasmade and toaster warehouses.

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