Belfast Telegraph

Ellie Goulding opens up about grandfather’s suicide in emotional post

The singer also detailed some of her own struggles in the Instagram message.

Ellie Goulding (Ian West/PA)
Ellie Goulding (Ian West/PA)

By Julia Hunt, PA Entertainment Correspondent

Ellie Goulding has opened up about her grandfather’s suicide and her own struggle with “imposter syndrome”.

The singer, 32, posted a lengthy message on Instagram in the wake of last week’s World Mental Health Day.

She told her 14.4 million followers on the site: “Today I’m thinking about my grandfather, who took his own life a few years back.

“I wish I had spoken to him more, and wish we could have had even the smallest clue of how unhappy he was.”

Sharing a picture of herself swinging on a rope over a river, Goulding also told how nothing could have prepared her for the “ups and downs” of her job, and revealed she does not always believe in herself.

View this post on Instagram

Sorry this is a little late, but I had to speak about about Mental Health Awareness, for what it’s worth. We all have a right to feel what we do, whatever it is, whoever we are- Exhilaration, madness, absolutely nothing at all, confusion, chronic sadness... (I can sometimes feel all these things in the space of a few days). I am beyond relieved that more light is being shone on the complexity of going from being a touring artist/ performer to going straight back to normality on a regular basis. The constant change of pace is sometimes just too much to bare. Thank you to those artists who have spoken so candidly about it lately. I know I chose this job but nothing could have prepared me for the ups and downs that come with it. I know for sure that a lot of my anxiety has come from what they call “imposter syndrome” not believing in myself enough and thinking that I don’t deserve happiness, which results in wanting to sabotage my own success. I keep my head straight by training every day (running and boxing mainly) and although it is so hard sometimes to be motivated, the feeling of blood pumping through my veins and a human body performing the way it so impressively does reminds me how cool it is to be alive. Today I’m thinking about my grandfather, who took his own life a few years back. I wish I had spoken to him more, and wish we could have had even the smallest clue of how unhappy he was. I admire those who get out of bed every morning and seize the day, even when they’re not feeling too great. That requires a lot of courage. Please know that you are doing amazingly and I’m proud of you. Ellie xx #mentalhealthawareness

A post shared by elliegoulding (@elliegoulding) on

She said: “We all have a right to feel what we do, whatever it is, whoever we are- Exhilaration, madness, absolutely nothing at all, confusion, chronic sadness… (I can sometimes feel all these things in the space of a few days).

“I am beyond relieved that more light is being shone on the complexity of going from being a touring artist/ performer to going straight back to normality on a regular basis.

“Thank you to those artists who have spoken so candidly about it lately.”

The Burn singer – who married her boyfriend Caspar Jopling this year – went on: “I know I chose this job but nothing could have prepared me for the ups and downs that come with it.

“I know for sure that a lot of my anxiety has come from what they call ‘imposter syndrome’ not believing in myself enough and thinking that I don’t deserve happiness which sometimes results in sabotaging your own success.

View this post on Instagram

⏫⏫

A post shared by elliegoulding (@elliegoulding) on

“I keep my head straight by training every day (running and boxing mainly) and although it is so hard sometimes to be motivated, the feeling of blood pumping through my veins and a human body performing the way it so impressively does reminds me how cool it is to be alive.”

Goulding signed off by saying: “I admire those who get out of bed every morning and seize the day, even when they’re not feeling too great. That requires a lot of courage.

“Please know that you are doing amazingly and I’m proud of you.”

PA

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