Eurovision 2017: Everything you need to know but were afraid to ask
Eurovision is upon us and it is time to gather your mates, load up on drinks and snacks and prepare to be amazed - if not a little bit concerned - that once again a large portion of the human population is invested in a song contest.
When is Eurovision 2017 happening?
After two semi-finals held this week, Eurovision 2017 will take place on Saturday, 13 May. Clear your diary.
Where is it happening?
This year's competition will take place at the International Exhibition Centre in Kiev, Ukraine following the country's triumphant win last year with Jamala's '1944'.
How many countries are competing?
26 countries will perform on the night following this week's knock-out semi-finals.
Is the UK competing?
Of course - the UK is one of five countries, along with Italy, France, Germany and Spain, who automatically get a spot in the grand finale, while everyone else has to literally sing for their supper.
This year former X Factor contestant Lucie Jones will be representing the UK with her song Never Give Up On You. It's not a bad tune, but if recent years of disappointment have taught us anything, it's to just the enjoy the night with no expectations.
Is Ireland competing?
We don't want to talk about it...
Ok, Ireland has once again failed to make it past the semi-final stage of the competition and this is very upsetting.
Brendan Murray's track Dying To Try unfortunately failed to impress and so Ireland are no longer an option for victory.
Gone are the days when Ireland was the one to beat and now calls for 'My Lovely Horse' to be remastered for the new generation can be heard on the streets. (Not really, but it's an idea...)
Who is the favourite to win Eurovision 2017?
The talk of Eurovision at the minute seems to be Italy's entry Francesco Gabbani and his dancing gorilla (true story). He will be performing his track Occidentali's Karma.
Who else is tipped for the top?
Other countries which have gained interest include Portugal's Salvador Sobral who will be singing Amar Pelos Dois - meaning Loving For The Both Of Us. Also tipped is Bulgaria's Kristian Kostov - who is just 17 years old.
Is Australia seriously competing again in Eurovision?
Aren't Sweden quite good at this whole Eurovision thing?
Yes, which is why they have been given the wrong date, time and venue information for the finale. Win at all costs!
(Again, not really, but surely this idea has been brought up in the past.)
Should I host a Eurovision party?
How else would one watch Eurovision? Get your mates round, order a pizza and enjoy the spectacle that is Eurovision. Embrace the mad costumes, the questionable lyrics and the awkward pauses when someone tries to crack a joke.
There are people in this world you have never witnessed Eurovision in their lives - you are one of the lucky ones.
Belfast Telegraph Digital