Belfast Telegraph

The Mash Report suggests 'beaded curtain down the Irish border' could solve Brexit

Comedian Nish Kumar
Comedian Nish Kumar

By James Gant

The Irish border question could be solved by using a beaded curtain, BBC comedy show The Mash Report has suggested.

The mock news program, which is presented by comedian Nish Kumar, claimed the curtain would keep the European Union happy.

The border between Northern Ireland and the Republic has been at the forefront of the Brexit talks between Westminster and the EU.

Prime Minister Theresa May's withdrawal agreement has settled on a temporary backstop solution to avoid a hard border.

But in the episode on November 23, comedian and actress Ellie Taylor, who plays a newsreader on the show, joked: “The Government has suggested the border between Ireland and Northern Ireland could be one of those beaded curtains popular in the 1980s.”

The camera cut to Nathan Muir, real name Jason Forbes, who was standing in front of a picture of Samuel Beckett Bridge in Dublin.

He quipped: “Ministers believe the curtain, which would run for the full 310 miles from Lough Foyle to Carlingford Lough, would fulfil EU requirements while allowing goods to be simply driven through.”

A picture of a lorry driving through a beaded curtain was shown on the screen, which provoked laughter from the audience.

He continued: “The beaded divide would work much like it might in a kitchen – still allowing residents to chat between the two countries while keeping out cooking smells.

“And it would not upset the IRA because they could simply part it with their hands.”

Silencing any doubters, Ms Taylor added: “Theresa May earlier responded to security concerns by stating that if anyone tried to take terrorists or drugs over the curtain border we would know immediately because we’d hear the beads rattle.”

The Mash Report is in its second series and has been broadcast on BBC2 since July 2017.

Part of the first show of the second half of series one was watched online more than 11million times in two days.

In the clip, comedian and musician Rachel Parris joked that men are too afraid to compliment women in the wake of the #MeToo movement.

The show is advertised on BBC iPlayer as: “With robust reporting and up-to-the-minute analysis, Nish Kumar and a team of hilarious correspondents keep you up to date with everything that has happened - or not happened - this week.”

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