Travelling with kids is intimidating. To begin with the inventory is monumental — reading the checklist feels like memorising the items on the decades-old Generation Game conveyor belt (‘Sterilising unit! Bottles! Formula! Cuddly toy!’).
ut the real reason travelling with kids is intimidating is because the minute you set foot on an airplane you know, deep down, that most of your fellow passengers would prefer if you weren’t there.
In fact, they are quietly hoping you and your children are sitting as far away from them as can be.
On the wing, if possible, or failing that, crammed into one of the minuscule toilets only to emerge at the end of the flight.
Some airlines have even considered the possibility of offering kid-free flights or kid-free zones on Boeings so travellers can avoid the noise and chaos that comes with children.
And look, I get it. I have been that passenger, rolling my eyes when a red-cheeked toddler screeches its head off on the runway.
I know when it comes to air travel, ‘mother stressed out of her box with two small kids on a long-haul flight’ — which is what I will be in a few weeks time — is persona non grata. Up there with inebriated hen and stag dos.
So, in preparation for our upcoming flight I started doing research on how best to entertain kids (let them wear fancy dress, bring activity books and snacks, hand them small toys in tightly bound wrapping paper and tell them to open them.)
As a result of this research, my phone is now throwing up scaremongering travel articles. Many of these fall under the category ‘awful kids and their awful parents being awful on a plane’ war stories.
The set-ups are familiar; a baby wailing in your ear, a sullen eight-year-old repeatedly kicking the back of your seat, or a child singing Baby Shark for four hours straight. One article focused on a disgruntled passenger telling parents to control their child.
Oh boy. My heart sank when I read that. Do you want to know what happens when you give a parent unsolicited advice? Short answer: nothing good.
One summer, while I was travelling on a train with my then baby daughter she started to cry. And she wouldn’t stop. I jangled toys, offered bottles, sang songs and rocked her but we were at an impasse. Nothing was working.
As she screamed, a woman sitting ahead of me turned in her seat, glared in our direction and loudly ‘shushed’ us. I cannot explain how deeply infuriating and unhelpful it was, it just made me more agitated, and less capable of soothing my child. If anything, her actions prolonged the crying. And what did she gain from it — a nanosecond of satisfaction?
This is something parents face all the time. From the moment you find out you are having kids, there are an army of people pointing out what you are doing wrong, and explaining how they would do it better.
A barrage of unwanted ‘helpful’ advice. Some of my friends refer to this as ‘drive-by parenting’, when someone swoops in, points out your inadequacies, pontificates about how they would do things better, and then scoots off.
These comments, or eye rolls, can deeply knock your confidence. Especially if you are in an already heightened emotional state — like flying with kids. No mum or dad needs to be lectured while 31,000 feet in the air. Because believe me, no one is more hopeful that a child will behave on a flight than said child’s parents.
We would prefer if they didn’t have a nuclear meltdown about felt tip pens when hurtling through the sky. We would love it if they sat and read for the entirety of the trip. But that is not always possible. Kids are going to be kids, and sometimes they’ll just want to shout for 20 minutes. They’re still learning that that’s not always okay.
If a child does start acting up or out in a confined space, gloss over it and trust that the parent has it in hand. If things escalate, then offer practical help — ‘would you like me to get some water?’ ‘Do you need help with your bags?’ If they decline, back off. Glowering at a parent or confronting them is not going to resolve the situation. Far from it.
If you really want a child seated three rows back to stop crying, don’t harrumph, or mutter loudly, instead take a deep breath and remember that, most likely, everyone is trying their best.
If that fails buy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, close your eyes and think of the sun.
Early risers are missing out…
Sunrise cacao rituals, sea swims, journaling and reels of yogis doing Trikonasana at dawn — we are all familiar with early morning productivity cheerleaders. The people who get it all done before you lift your head off the pillow.
Last month, Metro ran an article about how all of us can optimise our days, providing we set the alarm for 4am.
The paper reported that waking at that time left individuals more clear headed and with an increased ability to take whatever the day threw at them. Although, they added, you will need to be in bed between the hours of 6.45pm and 8.15pm to get a sufficient night’s sleep. Which can be problematic if you have serious commitments (eg, watching Love Island).
The paper interviewed members of the 4am club about their morning rituals. Most of them liked to start the day journaling and drinking cups of hot water and lemon. Then they cook dinner, get their emails answered, go for a run, and practise gratitude. There was a mum who had launched her own business and men who had scaled the ladder of the corporate world.
It’s easy to see why people have bought into this. We’re constantly told about presidents and world leaders functioning on four-hour stints of shut-eye. But I always feel a little sad (and also jealous) of these people. Yes, they are wildly successful but don’t they know how delicious sleep can be? Have they ever experienced the wonder of hitting the snooze button and rolling over into a cloud of duvet for another 20 minutes? Why deprive yourself of that for life?
Turns out we’ve been wrong all along
New scientific research from the University of Oxford has shown that chewing with your mouth open makes food taste even better.
Professor Charles Spence told The UK Times that when it comes to eating we have “been doing it all wrong”. He claims opening your mouth can help boost the aromatic intensity of food and enhance flavours.
Spence encourages diners to chew with their mouths stretched wide open in order to make meals as palatable as possible. While he is confident this will enhance culinary experiences, those sitting opposite someone trying it out may not agree.
