The Big Ask with singer Cara Dillon: 'Mum taught me nothing is more important than kindness'
In this week's interview we talk to folk singer-songwriter Cara Dillon (45). Cara lives in Somerset with her husband Sam, daughter Elizabeth (10) and twin sons Noah and Colm (14)
A I am the youngest of six and being the baby of the family, I was probably a bit spoiled. I have one brother and four sisters who are all a lot older than me. I had a really beautiful childhood and loved growing up in Dungiven.
My childhood was full of stories and tradition and culture and music. I had a very privileged upbringing - I realise that now that I have my own children - completely saturated with love in the family.
Summer holidays and Easter were always family time. We had a house in Donegal, in Greencastle, and we would spend holidays times there together. There really was a lot of love in our home.
My father Frank was a building contractor and my mother Teresa did various things. Before I was born, she owned a couple of shops and ran a little cafe in Claudy, she had this whole other life that I don't know about. And then she was a stay-at-home housewife by the time I came along so that's what I remember - that she was at home all the time, and lots of soda scones and pancakes, lots of good home food for when I returned from school.
Q What are you most proud of?
A There are a couple of things. I am most proud of my children and that they survived; my twins were born premature and I'm proud of how we've managed to keep them going so far.
Noah and Colm are 14 now and we have a daughter Elizabeth who is 10.
And I'm proud of my career as well, and I'm also proud that I can make soda bread as well as my mammy I would say.
Cara with husband Sam and children Noah, Colm and Elizabeth
Q The one thing you wish you could change?
A I would love to be able to change the fact that I am a type 1 diabetic. I became diabetic in 2007 and basically it has kind of ruled my life on and off ever since, and so if I could make a big change that would be it.
Q What about phobias. Do you have any?
A Anything that doesn't look cute; spiders and snakes and things like that. I'm scared of basically everything (laughs).
Q The temptation you cannot resist?
A Phoning home! I phone home every day. It doesn't matter where I'm at or when I was touring what country I was in, the temptation to phone home, I was never able to resist it. Once I got the thought, I just had to phone them and hear what the craic was. You feel you're missing out when you don't live at home. It's ridiculous, I don't know how my husband puts up with me, it takes up 99% of my time (laughs).
Q Your number one prized possession?
A That would have to be my wedding ring. I have never taken it off since I got married to Sam in 2002. I just think that ring symbolises our whole life together; it's one big round complete circle.
Sam and I met when we were 19 and we didn't start going out until we were around 22. I joined a band called Equation with Sam and his brothers in Devon, and we became best friends before we ever started going out.
Q The book that's most impacted your life?
A The Children of Lir by Michael Scott - it's been the most amazing book because it has opened my imagination. I got it when I was 10, my sister bought it for me, and it's full of magic and beauty. It's a great way of being able to escape into that world of myths and magic.
I treasure it and it's a bit battered around the edges now. I have read it to all my children and hopefully it will get passed on, it's a bit of an heirloom I'd say.
Q If you had the power or authority, what would you do?
A It would have to be climate change - put an end to all the terrible things we are doing to the planet at the minute and make a difference.
Q What makes your blood boil every time without fail?
A Politicians making empty promises and evading questions - especially at the minute there's so much of that going on.
That's the one thing that really gets my goat, listening to nonsense and false promises.
Q Who has most influenced you in life?
A I have to choose my mother for that. She has basically armed me with my moral compass and has taught me that kindness is the most important thing that you can do.
From a very young age, she taught me to always try and see the good in other people and to see things from their point of view, and to think about how it would be to walk in their shoes.
That has been the most valuable thing that I could have learned, especially with all the people who I meet from different walks of life and cultures, from all over the world.
I am trying to teach my kids the same thing, because there is nothing more important than being kind.
Q Your top three dinner party guests, dead or alive, and why?
A That would be Barack Obama, Stevie Nicks, and W.B. Yeats. I think they are incredible people and very creative.
I think it would be fascinating to sit back and listen to Obama talking about his life and what he has achieved and what he would love to see happen in the world.
I am a massive fan of Stevie Nicks. I'd love to be able to sit at a table with her and get all the ins and outs of what it was like in Fleetwood Mac, that she hasn't divulged to the press.
And W.B. Yeats - I'm a massive fan of his work and I think it would be great to get inside the mind of a genius.
Q The best piece of advice you've ever received?
A On our wedding day my eldest sister Ann said to me, "Never go to bed if you have had an argument without saying sorry".
She said that is the only thing that's important in a marriage, to put something behind you and start a new day and I think that's precious advice.
A Collecting antique china cups and plates - I am quite obsessed. I have boxes full of them and I don't have space for them anymore.
My mother has given me some lovely plates and china cups and random pieces that don't match, but I see the beauty in them and I realise how somebody else treasured them.
And even if they have the odd crack, it doesn't bother me.
I have a lovely big dresser in my kitchen that I have loads of pieces hanging up and it's mixed and matched with different things.
Q The poem that touches your heart?
A Seamus Heaney's Clearances. I read it to my children today and the tears were blinding me.
It captures something so special in mundane everyday life, something like peeling potatoes, but it's about how important it was that he shared this special moment with his mother, and it stayed with him until the day he died.
It's about trying to not always think about the bigger exciting times in your life - it's the ones that are happening every day that can have the most effect on you and that can mean the most.
Q The happiest moment of your life?
A The day I got married because it was such a celebration.
And the day we brought our twin boys home from hospital after they had been so ill for a long time, that was quite a big moment too.
They came home three months after they were born and actually got out on their due date.
They were born in November and got home in February, so that was a big moment for us and for our family - quite terrifying but the best feeling in the world.
Their actual birth date, November 17, is World Prematurity Day.
Q And the saddest?
A With a shadow of a doubt, it was the day my father died.
We were all there and we were gathered around his bed and it's just one of those memories that will live with me forever.
I don't think you get over losing a parent, it's definitely the saddest day.
That was in 2003.
Q The one event that made a difference in your life?
A I suppose getting back to having babies, they turn your life upside down and make you less selfish and give you great perspective on everything.
They have made the biggest difference in my life and they've changed me as a person for the better.
Before I had children I used to be dying to get away and do the next gig.
Myself and Sam would tour every waking hour and we were all over the world, just flat out.
And then we had children and we had to weigh up everything differently - they are our reason for touring, they are our reason for living now.
Q What's the ambition that keeps driving you forward?
A Seeing how happy people are when they come out to concerts. When you talk to them afterwards and you see the way my music has affected them for the better. When you hear their stories - and I have heard the most incredible stories from people, and I've got loads of beautiful letters and emails - that's the driving force. That's the ambition behind what I do, to continue to make music that can in some way make a difference to other people's lives.
Q What's the philosophy that you live by?
A Perspective is everything. This harps back to the way my mother brought me up, teaching me to see things from someone else's perspectives and not be tuned into yourself all the time. You can apply it to every single part of your life. That's the one I live by. Every time I think something is getting a little overwhelming or complicated, I sit back and think, 'What must it be like for that person?' I sort it out in my head.
