A brave and honest early morning tweet from BBC health correspondent Marie-Louise Connolly has got people talking about the taboo that is menopause.
Sharing her frustration at once again lying awake in the middle of the night, the busy mum-of-two was hesitant going public about something so personal. But her frank admission of how she is struggling with the symptoms of menopause — in particular insomnia — led to a flurry of early morning replies from hundreds of women in the same boat.
Eventually thousands joined the conversation online after Marie-Louise tweeted: “4.27am wide awake — yet I’m exhausted. Night sweats. Sofa surfing. Anxious. Craving sleep. Heavy fuzzy head. Forgetful. Hot. Tomorrow/today is looming. MLC is still in here… I want to tweet this.”
She added that although her symptoms were mild compared to some others, she hoped to “unwrap the menopause mystery and ditch the stigma”.
One of the first to tweet her support was Deputy First Minister Michelle O’Neill, who also spoke about her symptoms: “Like so many women hot flushes are a permanent feature of my day. The more we talk about it, the more we help end the stigma.”
Alliance MLA Kellie Armstrong joined the conversation, writing: “Riding the Menopause rollercoaster is wild craic when it’s already warm. My internal furnace likes to kick in at the most inopportune moments. Such fun.”
As health correspondent for the BBC, Marie-Louise raised awareness of menopause with a series of impactful reports in 2018.
Tweet: BBC’s Marie-Louise Connolly with daughter Niamh
However, putting her own head above the parapet in such a personal way was something she didn’t do lightly, as she explains: “It’s not the first time I had composed that type of tweet but the difference was this time I sent it.
“I never had the nerve to send it before, and as soon as I did I couldn’t believe the response and the people who messaged me. All these women were up and about because they too couldn’t sleep.
“In just a few minutes there was over 100 tweets at that ungodly hour of the morning, and as the day wore on some very high-profile women were joining in to say they were with me.
“Being a health correspondent, I feel that it might be expected that I should be on top of things, so I was worried about how it would go down, but the support and level of good wishes was amazing. I’m not embarrassed at all about it now, I actually feel very proud.”
Marie-Louise (52) says her menopause symptoms hit with a vengeance 18 months ago.
She has been struggling with insomnia and night sweats while also under pressure to cover the pandemic.
Pamela Ballantine. Credit: Kevin Scott / Belfast Telegraph
The menopause was triggered by surgery a few years ago and initially her symptoms were kept at bay by HRT.
She explains: “For the first couple of years I actually thought: ‘This is a breeze, what’s all the fuss about?’.
“Then about 18 months ago it really hit me hard. I did know what to expect because I had done a series on the menopause for Radio Ulster and digital, but it’s not until you are going through it yourself that you really appreciate what it’s all about.
“The lack of sleep has been the hardest part of it, especially when you have to work, and my job has been very full-on in the past year.
“I am probably getting about four hours sleep a night, and I know I’m not the worst as some women who have written to me in the past week are only getting two or three hours. I honestly don’t know how they cope.”
She feels strongly about raising awareness for the sake of her daughter Niamh (21). Married to Aidan, who works in IT, they also have a son Rory (17).
She says: “It’s not just me going through it but my husband and my children. Niamh is brilliant with me. She is well-versed in the menopause because I want her to know what to expect and I don’t want her to be ashamed or embarrassed.”
Anxiety is another symptom, which she manages by running with a group of friends. She urges any woman going through the menopause to seek help from their GP and to consider exercise to cope with stress and mood.
She adds: “I will be going back to my GP to see if they can tweak my HRT. I think it’s important women know that if one type of HRT stops working that there are others they can try.
“Running definitely helps me and I just hope someone reading this will maybe get off a couch and get out and benefit from exercising.”
Raising awareness of the impact of the menopause is a cause close to the hearts of other well-known figures here.
UTV Life presenter Pamela Ballantine is equally candid about her struggles. She says her symptoms came on severe and suddenly in her late 40s, taking her completely by surprise.
“It was truly horrendous. I would go bright purple and break out in a sweat from the tip of my head to my toes, even my shins were sweating. I would have had to change my bed four or five times a night. I sweated buckets and was soaking wet every day. It was very embarrassing.”
Mood changes are another common symptom, which Pamela (62) was totally unprepared for. Known for her cheery personality she describes herself as “a glass half full person”.
To suddenly find herself become weepy for no reason was a big shock: “I could have cried at a commercial on TV,” she admits. “I also had no patience and would have bit the head off anyone; it was just awful and not me at all. I wouldn’t call it depression, but I was certainly emotional and the slightest wee thing would have set me off and it would have been really heartrending sobbing, it was just so strange.”
She finally sought help from her GP after enduring a particularly embarrassing hot flush while she was reading the news live on TV.
She recalls the horror she felt as sweat broke all over her body while a camera was pointed at her: “It was pure panic as I thought: ‘Is this really happening?’. And I knew it would make me go puce in the face and look like I had been doused by a bucket of water.
“I knew then I needed to do something and my GP was terrific and put me on HRT, which worked instantly.
“I was lucky that it worked for me. It has just been superb.
"My symptoms disappeared overnight and I remember thinking: ‘Thank God I’m still a woman’.”
Keeping the menopause in the spotlight and reducing the taboo is something she feels every woman will benefit from.
She adds: “Anything I knew about it was hearsay or word of mouth. So many women are told, ‘it’s just your time of life’, which is awful.
“We should definitely be talking about it more and I feel there should also be a little bit more understanding in the workplace.”
Former Ulster Unionist MLA Jo-Anne Dobson remembers the menopause hitting when she was in the Assembly.
The Co Down mum-of-two sat through committee meetings with sweat running down her back, determined to keep going despite the discomfort.
She is a firm believer in women supporting each other by talking about the menopause and its symptoms.
She says: “I started the menopause when I was 50 when I was an MLA and would get hot flushes and sweats when I was in Stormont.
“I remember speaking at one committee meeting and feeling the sweat running down my back. It is an unbelievable feeling of being so warm.
“I just got on with it regardless. I think that is a female thing, that we will carry on and forever be the professional, even with our bodies covered in sweat from hot flushes.”
Jo-Anne (55), who lives on the family farm in Waringstown is married to John (57) and has two sons Mark (27) and Elliott (29).
She is Northern Ireland Ambassador for Kidney Care UK and works as a freelance business consultant.
A life-long campaigner on organ donation, in 2018 she saved Mark’s life when she gifted him her kidney.
It was Mark’s second transplant and mum and son haven’t looked back since.
During the organ surgery she was dealing with the very worst of her menopause symptoms, as she recalls: “When I became a living donor three years ago, I was par boiled. I wouldn’t recommend giving a kidney in the middle of the menopause.
“I think it was shortly after that I spoke to my GP, and I am very fortunate that my GP is a female and she is the same age as me, so she was brilliant and very understanding.
“Just before that I had discovered a natural remedy called Black Cohosh, which helped immensely. My GP put me on a HRT patch, which was fantastic — the hot flushes disappeared overnight.”
Jo-Anne believes raising awareness is something we all can do by simply talking about it to friends.
She says: “I have friends going through it and younger friends who have yet to go through it and we talk about it a lot together.
“I think it is important that we do talk about it, and it is also crucial that women go to their GP and get support. You shouldn’t have to go through it alone and women shouldn’t suffer in silence.
“It is something we all go through, and it shouldn’t be taboo.
“Life doesn’t stop because you are going through the menopause. The more women who talk about it, the more it is out there and the less a taboo there will be.”
