Belfast Telegraph

Dumping him over his colostomy bag

Northern Ireland's number one agony aunt Fiona Hurley answers your problems

Dear Fiona, Four months ago I met my perfect man. He’s gorgeous, funny, kind and caring and we fell in love instantly. We had a fantastic relationship but last week he admitted that he’s had Crohn’s Disease throughout his life, and is getting a colostomy bag.

The thought disgusts me and by saying nothing I feel he’s lied to my face.

I’ve decided to end it and he isn’t stupid, so should I tell him honestly that I can’t possibly have sex with him anymore?

Shocked Girl

Dear Shocked Girl,

It's his absolute right not to disclose such sensitive information immediately so what constitutes lying?

Suffering extended periods of illness throughout life can crush anybody’s self-esteem and cause an inferiority complex so his ego is undoubtedly already fragile.

Being in his situation must be a waking nightmare for a young, single man so why pile on the pain by telling him why you’re rejecting him? Is love really so fickle or do you perhaps need more time to adjust?

Please don’t panic and throw this relationship away because he sounds like a genuinely great guy.

Of course it’s your prerogative to end it but bending the truth will alleviate some of the hurt and it’ll be infinitely kinder.

Also, you’ve known for a week and haven’t disclosed your true feelings to him so by your own standards, are you guilty of lying to him too?

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