Belfast Telegraph

He wants to marry me, but I want to back out

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and for the last 18 months, since my parents moved, I’ve been living with him.

He’s started to talk about marriage and says how much he loves me but I've realised I don't feel the same way.

So far, I've been non-committal in our discussions but any day now I'm going to have to come clean, and the thought is terrifying me.

He's a nice guy but he's not very confident and I know he's going to be hurt when I back away. He deserves someone who can return his love, but how can I get myself out of this mess without hurting him?


I don't think you can — after three years together, he's bound to be thinking about a future with you.

Accept that he is going to be hurt (and probably bitter) and then try to let him down as gently as you can.

The longer you leave it, the more he'll think you intend to stay, so the sooner you tell him, the better.

Tell him you like him but don't love him enough to marry him and don't think it's fair for him to go on thinking that you will.

You will need to move out when you tell him, so you will need to give some thought as to where you will go, because staying on after will be painful for both of you.

Belfast Telegraph


From Belfast Telegraph