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How can I get over husband's affair?

Last year my husband had an affair with a work colleague and it nearly broke our marriage. After I got over the shock I decided that there was more to being married than this affair and we agreed to try to make a go of it.

Although we’re trying to rebuild the trust we had I am finding it really difficult.

If he gets home later than usual I start to fret. If he has to go away on business then I don't sleep properly until he gets back.

He keeps trying to reassure me but I know he's getting fed up too.

I don’t want to know the details of what happened with the other woman but I keep wondering if she was better than me in bed, more understanding and so on.

How do we rebuild the trust we once had? CJ


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It sounds as if you haven't really resolved what caused the affair in the first place and you both need to understand that.

You need to be clear about what was going on between the two of you in the time leading up to his affair — and going over that can be very painful.

But unless you know what went wrong you run the risk of repeating the same mistakes again.

Rebuilding trust takes time and you will need to be patient.

Because it is so hard, I would strongly recommend you consider getting help.

Counsellors from the Relate charity will help you talk through what has happened.

If you try to do it on your own, you run the risk of going over and over the same ground without resolving anything and without moving forward.

If you can both really commit to each other, and are prepared to work at understanding each other better, then your marriage has a real chance.

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