Why is it I find it so hard to say ‘no’ to people?
I suppose I have always been this way, even at school I was bullied into running errands for bigger girls.
I’m now a grown woman, married with two children so you’d have thought I would have outgrown it but I’m still put upon and it’s making me very unhappy.
I was pressured into joining a local society a few months back and in that time I’ve been co-opted onto three committees.
That means I’m now responsible for organising speakers and the catering for this year’s Christmas bash.
If I had nothing better to do with my time I guess I wouldn’t be moaning now but I have a busy job and family to manage!
I can’t cope with all this and wish I could get myself out of this mess. TC
FIONA SAYS: TRY TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE
Being “good” and “helpful” is something which is ground into many of us (particularly girls) from a very early age.
Saying “no” becomes very difficult and while for most of us that means having to cope with the occasional chore for others, like you, life can be unbearable.
Try each and every day to say ‘no' to something — even if you don't mind doing it! For example, if someone asks you to make coffee, say you made it last time and suggest someone else does it.
You could also simply practice saying ‘no' in front of a mirror— it's something that gets easier with practice!
Once you feel more confident I suggest you tackle the problem of your society.
If you really want to stay a member simply say that you're sorry but that you've been given too much to do and cannot manage it all.
Saying “no” like this can actually feel quite painful to begin with — after a while though it can feel quite liberating.