I don’t just want to be looking after grandkids
Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.
I’m 48 and my three children have grown up and left home — two are now married with children of their own.
I’d decided I would like to get myself a part-time job so I could have some stimulation in my life, but that’s all gone wrong.
When my daughter and son-in-law heard I wanted to work, they “suggested” I could look after their children while she went back to work.
I wasn’t given a chance to explain that this wasn’t what I wanted before she’d told the whole family. While I love my grandchildren, I can’t face the thought of looking after children again all day, every day.
Now I’m in such a difficult position — how can I make them understand my need for adult company without hurting them? And how do I manage to do this without feeling guilty? HS
FIONA SAYS: BE FIRM, AS THIS IS YOUR TIME
You will have to be firm and kind and just say that you don't think you can or want to do this.
I would do this sooner rather than later, too — the longer you leave it, the more fixed the idea will become in their minds.
Try to make your daughter understand that your need to work is not just for the money, that this is not personal nor anything you have against her children.
Say you would be prepared to help out in an emergency, but don't be press-ganged into this arrangement. And don't feel guilty — just because some grandparents are happy to take on this role it doesn't mean they all are!
You've done your share of childcare, so now it's time to do something for you.