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I ruined friendship by asking him out

I’ve been really friendly with a guy at work for the past three years. A lot of people have asked me if we’re going out together but we really have been just good friends.

We’re both unmarried and in our twenties so there is no reason why we couldn’t have a relationship, but it never happened.

Then, rather to my surprise, I found myself falling for him. I decided to tell him how I felt by asking if he thought there was a chance we could be more than friends.

I thought he’d either agree or brush me off gently and we’d go back to being the friends we were. Instead he reacted very coldly and said that perhaps it was better that we didn’t speak to each other any more.

I can’t explain why he reacted like this and feel that I have ruined a good friendship by being too pushy. LC


If, in three years, he'd not suggested anything more from your relationship than friendship then that's the way he was happy for it to be. Perhaps he panicked when you suggested a different kind of relationship, but why? It is hard to say.

It was a little harsh of him to treat you quite so dismissively.

Why not drop him a note suggesting you meet for a drink to clear the air? At least that way you will have tried to get back the friendship you had.

And, however attracted you may be to him, I suggest you make no further suggestions and assume that's the way he wants things to be.

I would also suggest you start to widen your social circle so that you meet more people, make new friends and become less reliant on him for companionship.

Belfast Telegraph