Belfast Telegraph

I think it’s time my well-paid son moved out

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

My 27-year-old son still lives at home despite having a well-paid job and forever saying that he would be happier in his own place.

When he first started working we agreed that he would pay me £50 a week — at the time it was about a third of his money so it seemed fair. Now, of course, it’s a small fraction of what he earns and barely covers the food he eats.

He’s now suggested he should stop paying me even that because, he says, he spends so much time at his girlfriend’s house and eats there or at work.

He seems to ignore the fact that he uses the washing machine, eats breakfast here every day, uses my sheets and so on.

I feel really hurt and what makes it worse is that my husband has recently been made redundant so he knows we need the money.

We’ve had some nasty rows about it already, but he just won’t accept that there are other bills to meet. Should we insist that he gets his own place? JB


Your son is taking advantage of you and your husband and yes, it's time he moved on.

If he is having a bed and breakfast with you then I bet if you were to look up some local B&B costs, that's closer to what he should be paying.

I wouldn't mind betting you'd be hard pushed to find anything below £25 per night, let alone £50 for a week.

Sit down and work out what his share of household expenditure is. Include heat, gas, electricity, water, telephone and council tax. Include a reasonable sum for laundry and cleaning.

Armed with this, show him how even when he was paying £50 a week, it fell short of actual costs. If he still doesn't want to pay, then tell him he will have to leave and don't be tempted to give in.

As long as you keep supporting him and paying for him, he will never learn to be independent.

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