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My boyfriend is pressuring me

My boyfriend and I have been going out for three months now and I think I am in love with him.

I’m 19 and he is 22 and the only problem is that he wants to sleep with me. I suppose it might seem odd but I am still a virgin and always thought I wanted to be so until I married.

He wants to sleep with me now, though, because he says unless we do, how else can he be sure he has put his previous girlfriend behind him and love me instead.

He also asks how I can know for sure that I love him unless we’ve slept together.

I want to stay with him but I am not sure what to do — I don't want to lose him over what might just be a foolish principle. KL


Your young man has a very twisted sense of logic, so you could start by confounding him with some of your own!

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One: there is no evidence that sex keeps a couple in love — it didn't work in his last relationship, after all.

Two: if you give in to his pressure it only proves that he is dominating you and isn't proof that you love him.

Three: if you give in to that pressure it shows you don't respect yourself enough to stick by your principles.

Four: the very fact that he asks for sex as proof of love means that he doesn't really know what love is anyway! You need to be absolutely sure before you sleep with someone that he is right for you.

If your boyfriend can't accept this and still tries to bully you into doing something that feels intrinsically wrong, then it's time to move on.

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