Belfast Telegraph

My husband won't have sex with me

Fiona Caine is here to help if you have a relationship, sexual, marriage or family problem.

I have been married for 16 years, but gradually, over the past year, my husband has stopped wanting to make love to me.

We still sleep together but whatever I do to encourage him, he never responds. Whatever I try doesn’t seem to make any difference.

I don't think he is seeing someone else as he rarely goes anywhere other than to the local pub. He does drink quite a lot. Do you think this may be the problem? LK

FIONA SAYS: ENCOURAGE HIM TO TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS

I would suggest that excess drinking may be a symptom of the problem rather than the main cause.

Try to go back to the time when he started drinking heavily and lost interest in making love.

Did it coincide with some other event like being passed over for a promotion, or a redundancy or even a birthday?

Quite often, when people reach a milestone in their lives, they go into a depression because they have difficulty in facing up to it. Even if there is no obvious cause, there is a chance that this could be related to depression.

Rather than focus on the lack of intimacy, encourage him to talk about the way he is feeling.

Taking the pressure off intimacy might help him to recognise that there is a problem to be faced and, if he does that, perhaps he will seek help. Your GP would be a good place to start.

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