'He said me giving him a kiss would ensure he died a happy man'
PSNI officer Stephen Carroll (48) was shot dead by the Continuity IRA in Craigavon in March 2009. He was married to Kate. She said:
"Steve was a very happy type of man. He had this wonderful smile and red cheeks. He was always singing. He couldn't sing a note. Two soldiers had been shot days earlier. I felt Steve could be in danger. He said, 'Don't worry I'll be fine. Give me a kiss ... that will keep me right all day and if I die now I'll die a happy man.'
"That was the last time I ever saw Steve. Two police came to the door to tell me. It was like the end of my world. The first year was the worst. One night I was lying in bed and all I wanted was my husband. I would have put my hand on his chest before I went to sleep. We cuddled up and slept like that. I was inconsolable. I didn't want to ring anyone. All I wanted was Steve.
"There was snow on the ground. I thought, 'I know the grave is open. I'm going to go and feel Steve's chest'.
"I went to the shed and lifted a shovel. I was almost out the gate when I realised, 'I cant do this, it's terrible. What would people think?'
"But the grief was so bad and I wanted him so much."