A recent Royal Mail trend that has seen letters being correctly (and astonishingly) delivered to recipients using just their descriptions in the absence of an address, has left many wondering; “How would I be described if a letter were to reach me this way?”
So, at the Belfast Telegraph we have done just that, and asked a few local famous faces how they think they would be depicted, or how they would like to be described on an envelope to ensure it comes their way.
Belfast-born broadcaster Eamonn Holmes assumes that his description would be something along the lines of: “Eamonn Holmes, otherwise described as ‘always going on about Manchester United, never seen in the same room as George Clooney, on the telly, much slimmer in real life’”.
Q Radio presenter Jordan Humphries thinks her best one could be: “Jordan from Lisburn who talks on the radio and wears a big purple coat every day. She has a dog called Susie and a teddy bear called Fudge. Very tall, usually eating and often bursts into song.”
The food-for-thought comes after Cushendall man Feargal Lynn recommended a ‘hearty applause’ for Royal Mail last week, when his postman successfully delivered a letter to his address, simply by following a brief history of his family in the area.
The full description on the Co Antrim musician’s correspondence read: “Lives across the road from the Spar, his ma and da used to own it, his mother was Mary and Da Joseph, moved to Waterfoot after he got married, plays guitar and used to run discos in the parochial hall and the hotel in the 80s. Friends with the fella runs the butchers in Waterfoot too.”
Following that, the BBC’s Ireland Correspondent, Emma Vardy, took to Twitter on Monday to reveal that an envelope of a similar nature made its way to thenewsroom in Belfast for her.
It said: “Emma from England who likes surfing in Portrush and hiking up Cavehill, tells local stories from Ireland on the television every evening on BBC One. Recently engaged and plays football”.
Armagh GAA All-Ireland winner, Oisin McConville has already received a couple of letters in this way, especially around the time he wrote his autobiography, ‘The Gambler: Oisín McConville’s Story’.
“People just put ‘Oisin McConville, Crossmaglen’. I did have one letter that came; ‘Oisin McConville, GAA star’ and I remember the postwoman handing me it and I felt very embarrassed by it,” he said. He also reminisced on the letter Kerry GAA legend and controversial pundit Pat Spillane got, which was simply addressed to ‘Pat The B****cks, Kerry’ and laughed: “That was always going to get there.”
But how would the Gaelic footballer-turned-broadcaster like to be described? “If I was getting it, I’d probably like it to be, ‘To Oisin McConville, All-Round Nice Guy’. I think that’s probably unlikely to happen, you never know, maybe if somebody reads this they might just send me one,” he added.
Fermanagh-born actor Charlie Lawson revealed that he actually still gets loads of letters to this day, addressed to ‘Jim McDonald, 11 Coronation Street, Weatherfield’, the famous soap character Mr Lawson has been most renowned for playing for nearly three decades. “It gets to me in my wee [English] village in Prestbury and happens about three or four times a year,” he added.
“It goes to the sorting office in Manchester and then they forward it to wherever; it takes about two weeks and then it comes to my front door!
“It’s bizarre, but it’s happened a few times over the last couple of years because of course they’re running the classic Coronation Street in the afternoon and I’m never off the bloody thing!” World Cup footballing legend Gerry Armstrong supposes “they could call me the man that scored the goal”, referring to his most renowned international goal, which came in Northern Ireland’s 1-0 win against host nation Spain during the 1982 World Cup.
The former player admitted the phrase could be “pretty vague, but there are loads of different ways I suppose you could be described”.
“Someone who knows me would probably be able to come up with it quicker than me,” he continued, adding that he reckons the famous NI goalie Pat Jennings could be found by merely writing “your man with the big hands” on an envelope.
Boxer Tyrone McKenna initially joked he would be noted as “probably the guy who’s terrible at boxing”, but then said a better self-description could be “the guy who always has blood all over his face and gets into unnecessary wars like George W Bush”. The super-lightweight is famed for his relentless bloody battles in the ring, particularly against Jack Caterall and Jose Felix Jnr.