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'Most enviable police job' on offer

Described as "quite possibly the most enviable policing post in the UK or even the world", a new constable is being sought for the Isles of Scilly.

The islands are not renowned as a hotbed of crime but any potential candidate would need to know how to handle a stray seal in the high street or be able to pacify drunken chefs in a row over salt.

Crimes investigated by the officers recently include a goldfish found abandoned on the steps of the police station, a short-sighted horse vandalising cars and a 50-year-old row over a shed.

The current post holder, Pc Faye Webb, is transferring to a new role in Plymouth and Devon and Cornwall Police are trying to track down a replacement.

Fortunately for any potential candidate they will no longer have to share an office with Mowgli the cat - given the honorary title of Deputy Chief Constable - as he has recently retired.

As Sergeant Colin Taylor explains on the force's Facebook page, the skills required may not be the same as those for officers elsewhere in the UK.

"There is a post currently available for a police constable on the Isles of Scilly," he wrote in a tongue in cheek post.

"Quite possibly the most enviable policing post in the UK or even the world, after mine. It only comes around every few years. Amongst other things the successful candidate will possess the following attributes:

"The ability to explain cheerfully in infinite different ways to holiday makers that 'No you are not hallucinating I am a real police officer' and 'Yes there are things for me to do here'.

"The resolve to issue a parking ticket to your spouse so tactfully so as not find dinner in the dog thereafter.

"At 2am whilst still wearing pyjamas under your uniform and wiping sleep from your eyes having been called out on duty from deep REM sleep, resolve a disagreement originating hours beforehand regarding the merits of sea salt verses rock salt between a couple of drunk chefs.

"Un-flinching confidence to know what to do when you are alerted to an abandoned seal pup making its way up the main street.

"An acceptance that at 6.15pm you will be handed an item of lost property whilst off duty in the Co-op queuing for the till with both arms laden with a thawing tub of ice-cream and fish fingers hastily chosen so as to provide a meal for your children before they go to judo at 6.30pm.

"Sounds idyllic? If you have a moment during your day feel free to practice your brief one liner applications online here. Closing day is Friday.

"Who knows, this time next month you could be rescuing goldfish, investigating fried eggs, competing with Lifeboat crews to make pasties, guarding clogs for Dutchmen and taking your orders from a cat.

"Only followers of this site need apply as inevitably you will feature here anyway and your mum will want to know what you are up to. Good Luck."


From Belfast Telegraph