Former footballer Fabrice Muamba has seen the footage of his collapse during a match just once, and said: "For now once is enough."
The ex-Bolton Wanderers midfielder was effectively dead for more than an hour when he collapsed following a cardiac arrest during an FA Cup match two years ago.
In an interview with the Observer Magazine, he said: "I don't think in my mind I'm ready to sit down and watch the accident again.
"Time is a healer, and maybe I'll gain the strength to watch it again, but I think for now once is enough."
Muamba said he wishes things could have been different, but what happened was something he could not control.
"I'm just more grateful and thankful that I have my life. Would you prefer to be dead forever, or not play football?" he said.
His wife Shauna Muamba said he still suffers from short-term memory loss, and joked: " Although sometimes it's selective, when it's taking the bins out..."
Mrs Muamba said football is "an addiction " for her husband, and he told the magazine: "I want it in every room. As long as I can hear it in the house I'm all right."