Hallowe'en is the sexiest holiday of the year
I haven't heard from him since, but I would really like to thank the guy who stood me up this week. Seriously. I'd met Michael at the fish counter at Whole Foods, and chatted to him briefly at his party a few days later. So when he called to invite me to an Angels and Demons fancy dress party, I was really excited.
To me, Hallowe'en is the sexiest holiday of the year. It's the perfect excuse to experiment with role-play, and in the past I've worn everything from a naughty nurse and PVC Catwoman outfit to a mermaid and Wonder Woman, with varying degrees of success.
Still, when 8pm rolled around I was dressed to kill in my angel costume: a white corset, white satin mini-skirt, fishnets, stilettos, a halo and wings. I should have suspected something was afoot when we arranged to meet at a pub near the party. He should really have picked me up in a cab since I was wearing such a skimpy outfit.
I waited until 8.20pm, and he still hadn't arrived. By 8.30pm, I'd called and texted with no reply, and was sick of fending off: "Did you just fall from heaven?" comments from the guys in the corner. I was angry and humiliated, and not just because of the rejection. I'd spent the day before prowling Camden market for the perfect outfit, and invested lots of time and energy into this night out.
Anyway, two gin and tonics later I decided that the hot angel girl gear wasn't going to waste: I was going to the party alone. Unfortunately, I didn't have the exact address, just the street name. And damn, it was a long street.
I was freezing, and the wings made wearing a coat impossible, so I shivered as I started peeking in random windows, hiding in the bushes and feeling like a total idiot. I was about to abandon all hope when I heard music coming from a house and saw loads of people inside, so I buzzed the door. But when I got upstairs, I realised it was a regular cocktail party, and almost knocked someone over with my four-foot wingspan in my haste to get the hell out of there.
I apologised to the hostess, but when I told her what had happened she insisted I stay, and fetched me a drink. After laughing off a few boys who thought I was the hired entertainment, I started to relax and enjoy myself. Soon I'd made two new friends, and been introduced to Ross, a lovely guy who works in the travel industry. It was lust at first sight, and after a brilliant conversation we walked outside together and started kissing. "I'm freezing," I told him. He took the hint and invited me back to his house, where we stripped and sipped wine in his huge bath. We agreed before any clothes came off that there would be no sex, since neither of us had any condoms, and we'd both had a lot to drink.
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I was in heaven, until I realised that I was facing a walk of shame in my outfit.
"Don't worry, darling. I'll drive you home," he told me. After all my meticulous pre-date planning, maybe it's time I let fate take the lead.