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Fruit bats are gettin’ busy, but Mike Nesbitt definitely isn’t...

I like to think that this column has developed a strong reputation for dealing only with seriously big issues. So as you would expect this week we’re dealing with political succession and bat fellatio (no, seriously).

First up to political succession, and Mike Nesbitt is slightly bemused to find himself among the frontrunners to take over as leader of the UUP.


The Belfast Telegraph and others in the media have been focusing on the ex-UTV presenter and whether he could be the man to succeed Empey.


No doubt this profile boost is the direct result of a ruthless and cunning media plan drawn up in a secret underground liar. Just how do you make all that look so effortless Mike?


“I am surprised because I have not been thinking about who might or might not back me, because I have no camp, no campaign, no team, and have not even declared an intention to run.


“Despite all that, what I do seem to have is momentum!”


You make it look effortless by cleverly putting no effort in? A brave move – but at least the laidback approach is completely authentic. So to recap – the plan to succeed Empey as leader of Ireland’s oldest political party involves doing nothing and talking to no one. I like it. There’s no way Basil McCrea will have thought of that.


Over at Life In NI and Simon is slightly bemused as well. In fact he’s in a mood to confess. Apparently, he did something on Saturday night which he isn’t all that proud of. I’ve been there myself – my standard operating procedure is to blame everything and everyone but myself. So take it away Simon:


“Yesterday night, in a moment of weakness, I did what I would consider a very bad thing.


“I blame the events of the last few weeks, from a couple of weeks ago and Leeds being promoted, yesterday's Championship play-off and the Radio One Big weekend, to Champions' League and Over the Rainbow finals, its all been ripe times for possible Facebook updates.


So what did he do?


“I created a twitter account : -/


(And he also created a new emoticon. Ever seen one of those : -/ before? Nope, me neither.)


So what did Simon do with his terrible new social media powers? Well, he went a bit street slang and increased global use of the apostrophe by a factor of 10. The power of Twitter should not be underestimated.


And finally, we’ve got the week’s two big moments in local blogging...


Big Moment 1: The longest sentence of the week. That took place over at the ATL Blog where local electronica luminary DJ Nik Muzka pitched his top tunes of the week. Recommending ‘ Ceephax’ by Acid Schmichael, Nik said (deep breath everyone):


“Fast paced harsh percussion, twisted 303s and a relentless kick drum come together to hit you in the face with the type of track that is best enjoyed at a sweaty rave in a dark club while dancing in unison with a few hundred like minded clubbers enjoying every beat and not spending the night checking their sunglasses or posing in the smoking area.”


I think that’s all the information I need. Check out more rolling sentences and funkadelic mixes from DJ Nik at his myspace blog.


Big Moment 2: The headline of the week. That took place over at Boing Boing where a story emerged regarding scientific research papers relating to certain reproductive habits of the fruit bat. One of these research papers now lies at the heart of a (human) sexual harassment in University College Cork. Apparently a male scientist showed this research paper to a female colleague and, well, a complaint has been lodged.


There’s a lot going in this story... so congratulations to Boing Boing for capturing it beautifully with the following:


Bat fellatio paper in sex harassment dustup


You know, there are still some people in the world who think that the internet is filled full of rubbish. Nonsense. When I hear a phrase like ‘bat fellatio’, I know that there’s something vital and important going on in cyberspace.


Geoff McGimpsey blogs on Northern Ireland politics and current affairs at http://bobballs.wordpress.com

Belfast Telegraph