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Julie Burchill: I'm worried about the boring kids, not fat ones

Thousands of parents of primary school children have received letters from the NHS telling them that their little darlings are overweight.

Kids are currently weighed twice – once upon entering infants reception class, and again before they leave junior school.

As extra weight undoubtedly puts people at risk of heart disease and diabetes, tattle-tale letters are then dispatched to parents suggesting ways in which their demonised offspring might change their eating and exercise habits so that they avoid becoming full-blown fat adults.

I've got no beef with this. (Because I ate it all!) But while we're at it, might children also be evaluated at five and again at 11 for early signs that they are becoming boring? I've suffered from bores all my life, and the idea that this devastating condition – for the borers AND the bored – might be checked in its infancy is enchanting to me.

When I go out, I never worry about being cornered by a fat person – fatter than myself, even. But I DO worry about being bagged by a bore. I've fled parties, marriages and cities, even, to escape from bores – but I've never left any of them because people were fat.

Two-thirds of British women are completely bored with their lives, a survey claimed a couple of months ago. If small boys were monitored for signs of becoming raging bores throughout their school years, and their parents sent letters containing handy hints on how to make them more interesting, think how this could be averted!

Belfast Telegraph


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