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Boots were made for counting

I was shocked to read that the average woman had 17 pairs of shoes. Why such extravagance? A shoe is merely something to cover the foot.

True, it can give added bounce or comfort but, as a chap the last time I looked, I've always treated footwear functionally.

Foolishly, then, I decided to count my own footwear. Twenty pairs! I own more than the average female! True, “shoes” is stretching it a bit, but here's the breakdown: three pairs of “dress” shoes; four of ankle boots (dress); five of ankle boots (work/walking); seven of trainers; one of tai chi shoes.

Oh, and I forgot to count the sandals I'm wearing at the moment. Oh, and three pairs of wellies. Technically, that's 24 sets of footwear (26, if you count the two pairs of football boots that I can't bring myself to throw out).

I'm shocked. Most have lain unworn for years. The trainers came in an increasingly desperate search for the magic pair that would help me score goals at five-a-sides.

But enough excuses. I've more footwear than a woman. And I didn't even count my high heels.

Belfast Telegraph