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How nosey neighbour landed a noisy reveller in really hot water

Recently, this column commented bravely and authoritatively on how Ninja Watch was replacing Neighbourhood Watch. It seemed a frightening development and met, therefore, with our approval.

However, Neighbourhood Watch is alive and well in the guise of Pauline Palmer, 71, of Colchester, England. For three years, Pauline kept a detailed diary on her neighbour, Brian Collins (51) including his frolics in a hot tub with four breasts belonging to two women, and the frequent visits of male friends, some of whom "wore baseball caps". The cap, as readers know, symbolises the fall of civilisation.

As for the hot tub, Pauline recorded that Collins had shouted at the ladies present: "Get your t**s out." The courts take a dim view of words with asterisks in them, and Mr Collins was subsequently fined £100 for breaching a noise abatement order.

I hope this true story reassures those of you who fear there's no justice any more.

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