Fears for Cliff Richard's health were expressed this week when it was revealed that, at nearly 70 years old, the singer has the toned and flawless body of a young man.
What‘s he not doing to himself to bring about such an unnatural state?
Chaps from 17 to 70 looked on in admiration and thought: “I'll have some of what he's drinking.”
That would be a glass or two of plonk every night. I tried that, but I still didn't develop any pecs, even after six or seven glasses.
But Cliff didn't get where he is today just by drinking wine. He maintains a strict diet and exercise regime.
I knew there'd be a catch. For starters, as it were, he only eats one meal a day. I could do that, but it would have to be two family-sized steak pies covered in chicken madras, a mountain of oven chips and fried mushrooms, while not forgetting that important bit of cress to give me my 0.5 a day.
It is 0.5, isn't it?
In addition, Sir Cliff plays tennis three times a week, goes to the gym twice, and walks five miles for fun. I see. Interesting.
Well, if you see the soon-to-be septuagenarian, give him this message from me, will you: sod off, sonny.