It's my dream to get up early. It's hard to think I'm the same person who'd rise at dawn to deliver, first, milk and then newspapers, all before school. It made me the man I am today: knackered.
The internet is simultaneously an intellectually liberating phenomenon and a nutter-fest. But it's a good laugh.
Reading chat forums for my soccer side's supporters, I was mystified by the term 'Merricks', ascribed to rival fans.
Turns out it's from Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man. Splendid.
Sticking to football - yes, the internut has intellectually liberated me - consider this observation about a police dog at a game: "Saw the dog at the gates and it made a beeline for one guy's chips and curry sauce. I thought it was a bit unprofessional tbh [to be honest]."
This corker came among impassioned debate on the Guardian's blog of the Julian Assange trial: "I have a tie very similar, if not identical, to the one that Mr Assange is wearing in the picture.
"I think I bought it in Tie Rack but I can't be certain - will get back to you later if I remember." Brilliant.