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There's something fishy about a free market

Outrage has raged outwards with news that a Kentshire supermarket is selling apples from China when they've an orchard just up the road.

It's the logic of the free market. I used to live in a place that sent all its fish south to England. It was a fishing community, and the fish in the local restaurants was fowl. That's because they imported it.

I remember once, near the waterfront, going into a chippie called The Happy Haddock.

I demanded a fish supper. They said they'd no fish. I said: "The freakin' harbour's full of freshly returned fishing boats, you goat-faced imbeciles!"

They said: "We can give you a sausage." I said: "Oh, is that what they caught? Look, here comes a trawler with a fresh catch of sausages." They said: "We will call the police."

Hearing the dreaded 'p' word, I exited sharply. But I'd given them something to think about. Happy Haddock, my eye.

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