Belfast Telegraph

Cooper Brown: Losing the urge

I managed to get Mulligan out on bail after his traffic warden assault. I told the police that if they actually did something about my complaints and tried to find Lesbian Sticker Lady, I wouldn’t be employing my own vigilantes to protect my property.

I did admit my choice of vigilante wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box, but what else could I do? I sent Mulligan off on one of those open-top tours of the capital as I was really in a mood with him and didn’t want him hanging around. The Cooperdome is nearly back in working order after the tsunami and I’m eager to move back in as my bar bill alone at the Groucho is getting stupid. I call Ben and I tell him all about the Mulligan incidents. He thinks it’s all hilarious and is really up for taking Mulligan out for a “dark” night on the town.

I put a stop to this idea and we end up in a bar talking to two American chicks who are “Harry Hunters”. They are determined to bag the ginger prince and become royalty. To say they are deluded is to do a disservice to the deluded. They were quite hot, but in a Russian hooker way as opposed to potential royalty. Ben spun them a line that he had been to university with Prince Harry and they went crazy when he claimed that he could probably get them invited to a garden party.

They were all over him like a rash and he ended up taking both back to his flat. I wasn’t in the mood. I’m having problems in that area right now. I just don’t have the urge. I think it’s the tap water. Cooper out.


A handsome bald male, Cooper Brown is a 21st century success story. While doing an internship at Paramount in LA some big shots liked the Cooper style and took him under their wing. Now he’s a veteran of the shallow, backstabbing and treacherous movie industry, and he loves it.

Twitter- @icooperbrown

Belfast Telegraph


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