It might be time to ring the changes, Abbey ...
Abbey Clancy is reportedly furious that someone has stolen "intimate" pictures of her from her mobile phone - though quite how is a bit of a mystery.
Now, having any personal data stolen is very distressing and I wouldn't go down the low route of pointing out that Abbey makes a handsome living in displaying acres of flesh. Personal is personal and all that.
But I am baffled as to why anyone would leave anything even vaguely blush-worthy on their phone?
As someone who spends a considerable part of their day 'Doin' the Blackberry' (a St Vitus Dance-like constant patting of pockets as I walk down Royal Avenue) to check I haven't left the blasted thing beside a half-eaten Rocky Road and empty coffee cup, I can only marvel at Abbey's nerve and sangfroid.
Mind you, that embarrassment is nothing compared to being a 21st century version of the village idiot by asking somebody next to you to ring your number while you prick up an ear and wait for your phone's distinctive cry of Livin' the Vida Loca. And I'm sure I'm not the only one gripped by 'mobile paranoia'. Locks, pin numbers, sim codes - and all this to keep safe earth-shattering texts like 'CU Starbux n 20' and a picture of my cat Gissing sitting on a flower pot.
Consequently my sympathy for our Abbey is somewhat tempered by a desire to tell her to join the rest of the human race and 'Do the BlackBerry' from now on instead.